Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Toy Story Toons: Partysaurus Rex script

(Walt Disney Pictures logo: The short version of the CGI castle)
(Pixar Animation Studios logo: The short version which starts with the completed logo and only includes Luxo Jr. looking up)
(TITLE CARD: TOY STORY TOONS)
(TITLE CARD: PARTYSAURUS REX)
(INT. BONNIE'S BEDROOM – DAY. The Toys are all playing blowing soap bubbles)
Toys (All): Go! Go! Go! Go!
(Until…POP! REX disrupts them and destroys the bubble)
Rex: Look out! You'll get soap on the floor!
Mrs. Potato Head: Oh, Rex, you burst my bubble!
Rex: Huh?
(Rex turns around, knocking everyone down)
Hamm: Eh, what a buzzkill.
Rex: Sorry I didn't...
Mr. Potato Head: Huh! You're what they call a party pooper! (SING-SONG) Party Pooper Rex!
Toys (All): (SING-SONG) Party Pooper Rex! Party Pooper Rex!
(Rex felt embarrassed and ashamed until they heard something)
BONNIE'S MOM: Bonnie! Bath time!
BONNIE: (GASPS) Can I bring a toy?
(The Toys ran and hide, leaving Rex alone)
MR. POTATO HEAD: I ain't no bath toy.
Rex: (EXCLAIMS)
(BONNIE enters her room)
BONNIE: Bath time! (grabs Rex) Rex will be perfect for the search party.
(EXT. ARCTIC – NIGHT. CAP'N approaches the signal ball)
Cap'n: Cap'n's log: Received a distress signal, but no sign of… (GASPS)
(He saw something)
Cap'n: Survivors!
(He ran up to someone)
Cap'n: Son, squeak to me!
(It was CHUCK E. DUCK, the rubber duck)
Chuck: Save yourself!
Cap'n: What?
(And then Rex bursts from the water and starts attacking Cap'n and Chuck)
(INT. BONNIE'S BATHROOM – DAY. Bonnie were playing with Rex, Chuck, and Cap'n)
Bonnie: (SCREAMS) Fire torpedoes! (IMITATES GUN FIRING) No! I just want to have tea with you!
(Until her mom arrives in the tub)
Bonnie's Mom: Okay, trouble. There's way too much water in here.
(She realizes the floor is wet. She turns off the water by pushing the large water-running knob in the wall and plugging the drain by using the rope to pull the plug from the drain)
BONNIE: Aw!
(The radio named DJ almost started until Bonnie's mother turns it off)
BONNIE'S MOM: You want to flood the house?
BONNIE: Yeah!
BONNIE'S MOM: Well, how about dinner at Grandma's instead?
(Her mother takes her daughter outside)
Bonnie: Grandma's! (LAUGHING)
Bonnie's Mom: (CHUCKLES) Sure.
(Rex watched them leave until they heard someone say)
CAP'N: Welcome aboard!
Chuck: Yeah, baby! You were way cuter than the last sea monster! No offense, Cuddles.
(He is the water-squirting ALLIGATOR)
Cuddles: No problem.
Cap'n: Ha! What did they call you, sailor?
(Cap'n makes bubbles)
Rex: Well, my friends call me…
Mr. Potato Head: (SING-SONG) Party Pooper Rex!
Rex: Um… Partysaurus Rex!
Cap'n: Avast thar!
Chuck: You're in the right place, baby! Because when the water's high, the party's fly.
Cap'n: Aye, aye!
(Everyone cheered until the water is all drained out and the Bath Toys are collapsing and purple octopus who is sitting on the fish hook with the lobster over the tub's bottom, falls out)
Purple Octopus: Oh! My lobster.
Red Lobster: Till tomorrow, my love.
Rex: And when bath time's done?
(The Bath Toys  are all stiff)
Chuck: There's no more fun.
Cap'n: We need water to move.
(They struggles to move)
Scuba Diver: Bath time's only 15 minutes a day!
(DRIPS THE WHALE is the faucet cover)
Drips: We can all party all the time if we could turn the water on ourselves.
Cap'n: Aye, Drips. But no one's got arms here, expect for Barbara. How we doing, Babs?
(BABS THE OCTOPUS is on top)
Babs: Weeks, months. Scrubbing's been light, Cap'n.
Chuck: Oh, man! I wish we could get this party started up in here. No more tears!
Rex: Well, I've got arms. I could get this party started up in here.
Chuck: Without Bonnie?
CAP'N: Topside?
(Rex walks over to the water-running knob and turned it and water came pouring out from the faucet)
Drips: Huh? (MUMBLES)
(The water began filling up the tub and the drain is plugged)
CAP'N: Shiver me timbers!
(Rex turns on DJ, which plays party music from BT)
Chuck: No way! Yeah, Rex! That's it, baby!
(Rex carries the Viking bubble pumping bottle)
Rex: Let's pump this party!
(He pumps some soap into the tub)
Chuck: Partysaurus, you rock!
(Rex throws the toy boat into the tub)
(The other Bath Toys dive into the tub)
Rex: (LAUGHING)
CAP'N: Aye, aye, matey!
Chuck: Check me out! Oh, yeah!
Cap'n: A thank ye to Rex!
(Rex realizes that three necklaces were put around his neck and the octopus wig is on top of Rex's hand)
Rex: Wow!
(The bubble bottle tosses the Viking hat and it landed on the octopus wig. Rex is now the lord of the bath tub)
Rex: Thanks!
Chuck: Rex, baby! How about a little more bubbly!
Rex: More? No, no, no, no!
Mr. Potato Head: Party Pooper!
Rex: I mean, why have a little when you can have a lot?
(He uses his tail and knocks the soap bottle into the tub)
Chuck: We really got a party up in here!
(The bubbles are growing bigger. DOLPHINA and the other Bath Toys appeared)
Dolphina: Partysaurus. Can you get some of us in?
Rex: Are you crazy? There's…
MR. POTATO HEAD: Pooper!
Rex: Some of you? (CHUCKLES) Why not all of you!
(He uses his tail again and knocked all of the Bath Toys into the tub. The Bath Toys cheered. The bath tub is now the rave-like fashion and DJ swells up. The party begun)
Chuck: Yeah, baby!
Cap'n: All hands on deck!
(Cap'n and Chuck push the disco and the Bath Toys are under it to light the disco up. They dance along)
Purple Octopus: My lobster!
(Until they saw something)
Cap'n: What's that racket?
(It was the overflow drain. The water is disappearing)
Chuck: What?
Scuba Diver: The overflow drain?
Rex: Huh? No problem!
(He grabs the green frog sponge)
Sponge Frog: Hey, whoa.
(Rex throws the sponge frog to the overflow drain and blocks it)
Sponge Frog: Whoa, this dude really knows how to party. Seriously... (GURGLING)
Chuck: He blocked the drain.
Scuba Diver: We will overflow!
(Silence. Then the party resumes)
Chuck & Scuba Diver (Both): Awesome!
Chuck: Thanks, Partysaurus!
(Rex was still standing at the edge of the tub)
Rex: Partysaurus doesn't worry about too much soap and the tub will overflow...
(He stops, shocked)
Rex: Overflow? (turns to the bathroom door) We'll flood the house!
Chuck: We're crossing the scum line!
(Rex knows that the water-running knob will stop the overflowing. He ran to it and try to turn it off)
Rex: (EXCLAIMS) Too much water, everybody.
(Until...POP!)
Rex: Ahh!
(The knob broke off and is dropped into the water. The knob lands on PUFFER FISH, which sinks him)
(In the bottom of the tub, the other toys having a support group)
Figure: Aw, the floaters have all the fun.
(Until the puffer fish and the knob lands into the floor)
Puffer Fish: What up, fishes? What what!
(Back at the surface)
Chuck: He turned it up!
Cap'n: Avast!
Rex: No! Too much water!
(He tries to pull the plug but the hook is empty)
Rex: (GASPS) Help!
(The toy police officer appears)
Police Officer: Sir, this party is out of control.
Rex: I know! There's too much...
Police Officer: Out of control!
(Rex saw the bubbles growing big when the water comes up. Screaming, he ran up to the faucet and pulls the lever, which the party stops)
Drips: Aw, man!
Chuck: Aww! You got to be kidding me.
(The tub stops overflowing)
Rex: (SIGHS) That was close.
(Until they heard the whooshing. It was the shower button. The pour of water came from the shower head and spray the Bath Toys' faces. Bubbles flew everywhere. The party resumes again)
Cap'n: It's a perfect storm!
Bath Toys (All): Aye, aye!
(The party went mad! DJ's music is blasting. The couple of Bath Toys push Rex into the tub. He is floating on the Bath Toys)
Rex: What are you doing? My tail! No, not the... Oh!
(He is thrown into the disco. He saw that the tub is overflowing. The water is going through the bathroom)
Rex: Overflow! Overflow!
Chuck: All hail the Partysaurus Rex!
Rex: We're going to overflow!
(The whole flood of water began flowing from the tub)
Chuck: We're going over the top, baby!
(Rex went over. DJ went shaking)
Cap'n: Secure the rigging!
(Everyone joins, except for the green frog, who keeps blocking the overflow drain. The house will be flooded)
Cap'n: Man overboard!
(They all float down through the bathroom)
(INT. BONNIE'S HOUSE – DAY. Buzz, Hamm, Mr. Pricklepants, Jessie, Mr. Potato Head, and Woody are walking to the bathroom)
Woody: Yeah, it's been a while.
Buzz: Oh, Rex? Are you okay in...
(Until…BOOM! The flood of water pours out through the door, pushing the Toys)
(Later…EXT. BONNIE'S HOUSE – DAY. The plumber arrived at Bonnie's house. He is talking to her mother. She is paying to have repairs because the house is all flooded)
(INT. BONNIE'S BEDROOM – DAY. The Toys are all soaking wet. They used the fan to dry them off)
Rex: You guys missed it. I was a Partysaurus!
Mr. Potato Head: Party? You? (LAUGHS) I'll believe it when I see it.
(Someone is at the bedroom window)
Jamaican Sprinkler: Psst! I-yah, Partysaurus!
(It was the Jamaican water sprinkler)
Jamaican Sprinkler (CONT.): We hear what ya done for the bath toy. Can you hook us up, mon.
(Rex, Woody, and the Toys looked out the window. The backyard is filled with inflatable toys)
Inflatable Toys (All): Rex! Rex! Rex!
(Rex saw the faucet that turns on the sprinkler in the pool. He puts on the Viking hat)
Rex: Duty calls!
(He jumps out of the window and went to the faucet and turned on the sprinkler. The party begun just like back at the bathroom)
(THE END)

CAST
Tom Hanks – Woody
Tim Allen – Buzz Lightyear
Wallace Shawn – Rex
Corey Burton – Cap'n Suds
Tony Cox – Chuck E. Duck
Don Fullilove – Chuck E. Duck
Emily Hahn – Bonnie
Don Rickles – Mr. Potato Head
Lori Alan – Bonnie's mom
Estelle Harris – Mrs. Potato Head
John Ratzenberger – Hamm
Mark Walsh – Drips
Timothy Dalton – Mr. Pricklepants
Joan Cusack – Jessie
Sherry Lynn – Cuddles
Lori Richardson – Babs
ADDITIONAL VOICES: Teddy Newton, Jessica Evans, Andy Fischer-Price, Emily Davis, Salifu Mohammed, Jessika Van, Carlos Alazraqui, Jess Harnell, Angus MacLane, Mona Marshall, John Cygan, James Kevin Ward, Danny Mann, Crawford Wilson, Alec Medlock

Toy Story Toons: Small Fry script

(Walt Disney Pictures logo: The short version of the CGI castle)
(Pixar Animation Studios logo: The short version which starts with the completed logo and only includes Luxo Jr. looking up)
(TITLE CARD: TOY STORY TOONS)
(INT. POULTRY PALACE – DAY. BONNIE and her mom are in the fast food restaurant. TITLE CARD on the meal says, SMALL FRY)
CASHIER: Small fry, and here's your toy.
(She places the belt buckle next to the meal)
Bonnie: A Zurg belt buckle? Can I get a Buzz Lightyear instead?
Cashier: We're all out of Buzzes.
Bonnie's Mom: Well, can she have that one?
(The cashier turned to the display where MINI BUZZ and MINI ZURG were standing)
Cashier: I'm sorry, those are for display only.
BONNIE'S MOM: Thanks anyways. Come on, Bonnie.
(Mini Buzz turns to Mini Zurg)
Mini Buzz: See? I told you we're never gonna get played with.
Mini Zurg: But we're just here to sell chicken.
BONNIE: All right! Ball pit!
Mini Buzz: Hey, hey, wait a minute.
(She saw Bonnie entering the play structure through the ball pit with Rex–and Buzz Lightyear!)
Bonnie: Splash!
Mini Buzz: I think I just found our ticket to playtime. Come on, let's go!
Mini Zurg: I better not. I don't want to get in trouble with the chicken people.
Baby Piggy: Fine. You stay here with the Belt Buckle. Me, I'm gonna get played with! See ya, Zurgy!
(He left the display)
Mini Zurg: Oh, boy.
Belt Buckle: (BUZZES)
(INT. PLAY STRUCTURE, POULTRY PALACE – DAY.)
Bonnie: Oh, no! Hot lava!
(Bonnie drops Buzz and Rex down a slide. They landed into a ball pit. Bonnie is right behind them)
Bonnie: Splash!
BONNIE'S MOM: Come on, Bonnie!
Bonnie: Coming!
(She left the ball pit, leaving Buzz and Rex behind)
Rex: I loved playtime!
Buzz: It's a little unsanitary but... Ho!
(Abruptly, he is pulled down under the ball pit and Mini Buzz rises)
Mini Buzz: Playtime's the best!
BONNIE'S MOM: Bonnie, don't forget your toys.
(Bonnie's mom grabbed Rex and Mini Buzz out of the ball pit)
(EXT. POULTRY PALACE – DAY. They exit the building)
(INT. BONNIE'S BEDROOM – DAY. Bonnie enters and puts her backpack away)
Bonnie: Hi, toys. Bye, toys.
(Rex popped out from the backpack)
Rex: Hi, everybody! We're home!
Woody: Hey, welcome back! How was Poultry... Ugh! What smells like chicken fingers?
(Mini Buzz climbs out of the backpack and into Rex's head)
Mini Buzz: I'm Buzz Lightyear. I come in peace.
(The Toys knew that Buzz is missing)
Jessie: Uh... What happened to Buzz?
Rex: He says the plastic in the ball pit made him shrink!
Mini Buzz: Yeah, yeah, that's right, Tex. Say, when's the playtime start around here?
Woody: All right, where's the real Buzz?
(INT. POULTRY PALACE – NIGHT. Buzz rose up from the ball pit, gets out, and tries to open the door put it's locked)
Buzz: Blast.
(He uses the air vent. He climbs up the air vent. He walks through until he falls out... )
(INT. STORAGE, POULTRY PALACE – NIGHT. ...and landed into the crowd of happy meal toys)
Neptuna: Well, hello!
Buzz: (GASPS)
Neptuna: Welcome to the support group for discarded Fun Meal Toys. We're just about to begin. T-Bone?
(T-BONE appeared)
Neptuna: Would you find him a seat.
T-Bone: Right this way, sir.
(He sits down and speaks up)
Buzz: I think there's been a mistake. You see, I was just left in the ball pit and I...
Neptuna: Oh, we've all been left in the ball pit of life, haven't we? Yes, Tae-Kwon Doe? You have a question?
Tae-Kwon Doe: What? Oh, I'm sorry, this is just my play feature. Hi-yah!
Neptuna: That's super. Now why don't we just go around the room and introduce ourselves? My name is Neptuna.
TOYS: Hi, Neptuna.
Neptuna: I was from the Mermaid Battle Squadron tie-in. Summer '98. I was thrown away, and that's okay.
T-Bone: I'm T-Bone, leader of the Steak Force. We battled the Vegi-Tanarians for dinner table dominance. Well, I never got played with.
Koala Kopter: G'day. The name's Koala Kopter from the Down-Underables. I got swapped for a Kangaroo Kanoe!
Recycle Ben: My name is Recycle Ben and I got recycled!
Franklin: (STAMMERS) I don't get it. Why don't the kids like me? I'm like history, but on wheels!
Vlad the Engineer: Nobody wanted to board the Vampire Express.
(The howling wolf on top of the train appears)
Roxy Boxy: My name is Roxy Boxy. I was recalled because... (accidentally hits Lizard Wizard with her boxing glove) Sorry!
Nervous Sys-Tim: I mean, who wants to see an accurate depiction of the human nervous system when they're chowing down on a burger.
Pizza Bot: Kid not like Pizza Bot. Pizza Pot sad.
Buzz: My name is Buzz.
Toys (All): Hi, Buzz.
Buzz: And I need to go.
T-Bone: Wait, don't run away from your problems, brother.
Buzz: Look, I need to get back to my friends.
Neptuna: We're your friends now, Buzz? Look around you. We've all been discarded and we need to stick together. Isn't that right, Super Pirate?
Super Pirate: Yar.
(INT. BONNIE'S BEDROOM – NIGHT. Mini Buzz is feet skating)
Mini Buzz: Playtime's coming super-soon
Doo-dah, doo-dah
Rex: Guys, I'm telling you, this is the real Buzz!
Mini Buzz: Doo-Doo-didley-doo-doo-doo
Oh, playtime day
Woody: Rex, he's like three inches tall.
Hamm: Yeah, but he's a pretty good ice dancer.
(Mini Buzz spin jumps)
TOYS: Whoa!
Woody: Well, I'm gonna go find out what happened to our friend.
(Mini Buzz keeps skating)
Woody: Yoo-hoo! Little Buzz guy!
Mini Buzz: Oh, playtime day
Woody: Listen, about this playtime...
Mini Buzz: Playtime? Hey, I'll be the cowboy!
(He grabs Woody's hat from him him)
Woody: Hey! Come back here!
(Mini Buzz comes to Hamm)
Mini Buzz: Get along, little piggy! Hee-haw!
(He slaps him and skates)
Hamm: Could somebody tackle him, please?
Mini Buzz: Playtime is your friend
(Abruptly, Woody tackles him)
Hamm: Thank you.
(INT. STORAGE, POULTRY PALACE – NIGHT. The Fun Meal toy support group finish the affirmation)
TOYS: Even though I have been thrown away, I am not garbage.
(They applauded. Poor Buzz. He doesn't know what to do)
Buzz: (SIGHS) How am I gonna get up there?
Neptuna: All right, everyone, this is a good time for some reenactment therapy. Let's break into groups of two. And let's have Beef Stewardes with Ghost Burger.
Ghost Burger: Oooo!
Neptuna: Bozu the Ninja Clown with Funky Monk.
Funky Monk: Wassup.
Neptuna: And then Conderman
Conderman: All right!
Neptuna: With DJ Blu-Jay. Lizard Wizard? I'm gonna put you with Buzz.
(Lizard Wizard rolls up to Buzz)
Neptuna (CONT.): Now Buzz, you are a child who has received this toy. Pick him up and play with him.
(Buzz picks up Lizard Wizard)
Buzz: Oh, boy. Play, play, play.
Lizard Wizard: Oh. (LAUGHS)
Neptuna: Good. Now, to simulate the abandonment, discard him.
Lizard Wizard: What?
(Buzz lets go of Lizard Wizard, dropping him)
Neptuna: And walk over there next to Gary Grappling Hook.
Buzz: Gary Grappling Hook?
Gary Grappling Hook: Hey there.
Buzz: So, wouldn't it be more devastating if I left the room?
Neptuna: Oh, what a fabulous idea! Thank you, Buzz.
Buzz: Gary, do you mind?
Gary Grappling Hook: Yeah, sure, whatever.
(Buzz grabs Gary Grappling Hook)
Gary Grappling Hook: Whoa! Oh, yeah!
(Buzz pushes Gary Grappling Hook's trigger and his grappling hook flew up and caught the air vent)
Gary Grappling Hook: That was awesome.
(Buzz hoists himself up into the ceiling where he will have his chance to escape Poultry Palace)
Neptuna: Now, how did that make you feel?
Lizard Wizard: Well, let's see now. It made me happy when I was played with, but sad when he left.
Neptuna: Good. Okay, good, hold that thought. We're going to have Buzz come back in now. Buzz?
(Neptuna and Lizard Wizard turned and saw Gary Grappling Hook)
Gary Grappling Hook: Uh, he left.
(Abruptly, Lizard Wizard burst into tears)
Lizard Wizard: (SOBBING) No!
(INT. BONNIE'S BEDROOM – DAY. Woody hatched a rescue mission to the Toys)
Woody: Okay. To save Buzz, we need to find a way to get inside Poultry Palace.
(Mini Buzz is all tied up. Jessie is next to him)
Baby Piggy: So, I used to work at Poultry Palace. You like honey mustard sauce? Yeah, you do.
Woody: Come on, guys, think. How do we get inside?
Hamm: We could jimmy the lock.
Mr. Pricklepants: Let's act our way in!
Mrs. Potato Head: Oh! We could drive a truck through the front door!
(Until…)
Buzz: Or, you could use the drive-through.
(The Toys turned saw the real Buzz)
Toys (All): Buzz!
(Jessie hugs Buzz)
Jessie: You're back!
(Then the real Buzz turns to the Mini Buzz)
Buzz: So, what do you have to say for yourself, Space Ranger?
Mini Buzz: (GULPS)
(INT. STORAGE, POULTRY PALACE – DAWN. Buzz and Mini Buzz hold the support group)
Mini Buzz: I've done some things that I'm not proud of. I've spent a lot of playtime thinking I was the prize that came with the meal, but with the help of my sponsor, I know now that the real prize is inside of each and every one of us.
(The Fun Meal toys applauded. The boxing glove is accidentally shot by Roxy Boxy and hits Lizard Wizard)
Roxy Boxy: Oh! Sorry.
(THE END)

CAST
Tom Hanks – Woody
Tim Allen – Buzz Lightyear
John Ratzenberger – Hamm
Wallace Shawn – Rex
Joan Cusack – Jessie
Estelle Harris – Mrs. Potato Head
Don Rickles – Mr. Potato Head
Jane Lynch – Neptuna
Teddy Newton – Mini Buzz
Emily Hahn – Bonnie
Angus MacLane – Gary Grappling Hook / T-Bone / Funky Munk / Super Pirate
Lori Alan – Bonnie's mom / Tae-Kwon Doe
Josh Cooley – Cashier / Lizard Wizard
Jess Harnell – Mini Zurg / Vlad the Engineer
Bret Parker – DJ Blu-Jay
Emily Forbes – Roxy Boxy
Kitt Hirasaki – Nervous Sys-Tim
Peter Sohn – Recycle Ben
Carlos Alazraqui – Koala Kopter
Bob Bergen – Condorman
Timothy Dalton – Mr. Pricklepants
Jason Topolski – Ghost Burger / Pizza Bot
Jim Ward – Franklin
ADDITIONAL VOICES: Lori Alan, Bob Bergen, John Cygan, Jess Harnell, Danny Mann, Cristina Pucelli, Jan Rabson, Jim Ward

(POST-CREDITS SCENE)
(INT. POULTRY PALACE – NIGHT. Mini Zurg and Belt Buckle are left behind in the display)
Belt Buckle: (BEEPING)
MINI ZURG: (LAUGHS) Oh, that was a good one. Belt Buckle, you crack me up sometimes.

Toy Story Toons: Hawaiian Vacation script

(Walt Disney Pictures logo: The short version of the CGI castle)
(Pixar Animation Studios logo: The short version which starts with the completed logo and only includes Luxo Jr. looking up)
(TITLE CARD: TOY STORY TOONS)
(TITLE CARD: HAWAIIAN VACATION)
(INT. BONNIE'S BEDROOM – DAY. It's winter. White snow blankets the house)
WOODY: Okay, it's two o'clock. The bell at Sunnyside have rung, so Bonnie are officially on her winter break.
(The Toys cheer)
Woody: Soon she'll be flying off to...
Buzz: Hay-way-I.
Woody: It's Hawaii, Buzz. Does anybody have a vacation plan?
(Later, TRIXIE and REX works on the computer)
Trixie: Rex and I have been working on our massively multiplayer, online, role-playing game profiles.
(FANFARE)
COMPUTER: The Rexing Bull!
Rex: That's me! Can you make my arms bigger?
Trixie: Oh, yeah. Enhancing.
(She makes Rex's arms bigger)
REX: Oh, yes!
(HAMM, CHUCKLES, and BUTTERCUP are playing Go Fish. MR. POTATO HEAD and MRS. POTATO HEAD approaches)
Buttercup: Potato Head, you in?
Mrs. Potato Head: Sorry, fellas. He's all mine.
Mr. Potato Head: We're going to have a fun-filled week, just the two of us.
(Mrs. Potato Head pulls him away. Mr. Potato Head takes out the arm and eye to make him join the game)
Mr. Potato Head: Deal me in.
(His eye and arm join in to play cards. MR. PRICKLEPANTS is addressing the ALIENS in the audition)
Mr. Pricklepants: Thank you all for coming to the audition. Number one, action.
Alien #1: Ooh!
Mr. Pricklepants: Dreadful. Next.
Alien #2: Ooh!
Mr. Pricklepants: Horrifying. Next.
Alien #3: Ooh!
Mr. Pricklepants: Brilliant!
(One of the Peas-in-Pod notice Bonnie coming)
Pea #2: Bonnie's coming!
(The Toys go lifeless)
BONNIE: Vacation to Hawaii!
(BONNIE enters her room, dropping the backpack)
Bonnie: Going on vacation! Vacation, vacation.
(She grabs her suitcase)
BONNIE'S MOM: Bonnie!
Bonnie: Coming, Mom!
(She leaves)
Bonnie: Bye, toys.
(The Toys come alive)
Woody: All right, folks, let the relaxing begin.
Rex: Hooray!
Woody: Ready to lose at checkers, Slink?
Slinky: When pigs fly.
Hamm: Actually, I had an uncle who was a pilot.
Buttercup: Really?
Hamm: No, not really.
(The backpack zips opens, revealing BARBIE and KEN)
Barbie: Oh!
Ken: Here's your bag, Barbie. You can put my luggage right here.
Barbie: Oh, Ken, this is so exciting!
Ken: Picture! Say "sunscreen."
Barbie: Sunscreen.
KEN: Perfect. Ka-click.
WOODY: Barbie? Ken?
Woody: Woody? Hey! You guys are in Hawaii, too! Groovy. We stowed away in Bonnie's backpack. How did you guys get here?
Woody: Uh, Ken, this is Bonnie's bedroom.
(Ken's face widens)
Ken: What?
(The car horn beeps)
Dolly: And there she goes.
(Ken ran to the window)
Ken: No. No, no. No, no. No! Bonnie! You can't go. Not without the back…pack.
MR. POTATO HEAD: Let me get this straight. You thought Bonnie would take her school backpack on vacation?
Hamm: Oh, boy.
(Ken ran up to the backpack)
Ken: Hawaii! You have to take us to Hawaii!
Zipper: Sorry, sir. I just zip and unzip. I don't actually fly.
Ken: Hey? Oh…
Barbie: Ken?
Ken: I, uh… I'll be right back.
(He gets in the backpack, sobbing. Barbie looks at the book about Hawaii)
Barbie: Oh! He's been planning this vacation for months.
Dolly: Wow. That's a lot of numbering. Did he do that all by himself?
Barbie: Ken doesn't know I know, but this is where he planned to have our very first kiss.
Mr. Potato Head: You haven't kissed yet?
(Mrs. Potato Head hits him)
Mr. Potato Head: Ow!
Barbie: It would have been the perfect vacation.
(Woody looks at everyone. He know the right thing to do)
(INT. BACKPACK – DAY. Ken continues to sob)
BARBIE: Ken, could you please come out here?
KEN: No!
BARBIE: I can't decide if this handbag matches my shoes.
Ken: Well, are you wearing the pumps or the espadrilles?
(He opens the zipper until…)
Jessie: Aaaalo-ha!
(INT. BONNIE'S BEDROOM – DAY. The room is all decorated with the Hawaiian imagination)
Ken: Uh…
(The Toys set up the Hawaii theme)
Woody: Welcome to paradise. We've got the vacation of your dreams all planned out for you!
Mr. Potato Head: Welcome to the Bonnielikeoke Motel.
Ken: I thought we were staying in a resort.
(Jessie puts the resort sign behind the motel sign)
Mr. Potato Head: Welcome to the Bonnielikeoke Resort.
Ken: This is great!
(First, sea diving)
Buzz: (reading) "Immerse yourself in a whole new world when you go deep sea diving!"
Ken: Oh! I've got the perfect outfit!
(Ken and Barbie dive into the water, its bubbles created by the Alien)
BARBIE: Ooh!
KEN: Whoa, look at that.
BARBIE: Oh! Beautiful.
Hamm: Watch this.
(He turns on the TV and…)
Barbie & Ken (Both): Aargh!
Hamm: Shark Week.
Buttercup: Nice.
BUZZ: Next up, a guided nature hike.
(Next, nature hike)
Mrs. Potato Head: There's the official Hawaiian state bird, the Nene.
(Rex plays as the Nene)
Rex: Nay-nay.
KEN: Ka-click.
Mr. Potato Head: And the state fish, the humuhumunukunukuapua'a.
(Mr. Pricklepants plays as the state fish)
Ken: Ka-click
Mrs. Potato Head: And a pineapple.
(Mr. Potato Head plays as a pineapple)
Mr. Potato Head: How you doing?
Ken: Ka-click.
(Next, sunbathing. Ken and Barbie sunbathes and turns around and lay on their backs)
(Next, fishing. They went on the boat ride. Trixie plays the boat captain. Ken and Barbie tried to fish but something lost something. Trixie whispers to Ken)
Trixie: Psst! You're not wearing any pants.
Ken: Oh!
(Next, horse back riding)
Woody: Ride like the wind, Bullseye!
(Bullseye takes off with Barbie)
Barbie: Whoo-hoo!
Ken: Ride like the wind, Buttercup!
Buttercup: Okay! Get off me.
(Next, surfing. Ken and Barbie test out the waves)
Barbie: You're really ripping those curls, Ken.
Ken: Ha-ha! Watch me hang ten, Babs.
(Rex falls, causing Ken to fly and hit the paper wall. Buttercup, Dolly, and Hamm are playing Go Fish)
Dolly: Gin.
KEN: I'm okay.
(Next, luau. DUSK. Chuckles plays the ukulele guitar and sings in Hawaiian. Ken and Barbie is having dinner at the luau)
Mr. Pricklepants: Dinner is served. (IMITATES CORK POPPING)
(The Aliens appear and Hamm plays as the meal)
Hamm: I should've seen this coming.
(Jessie appears)
Jessie: The entertainment will start in just a moment. (YELLS) Hey, Buzz!
(Chuckles pulls out drums and begins to play with the Aliens and the Barrel of Monkeys dance. Mr. Pricklepants, Woody, and Dolly hula dances. Buzz appears)
Spanish Buzz: Hola damas y caballeros. (Hello ladies and gentlemen.)
(He pulls out a glow stick, bends it, and dances)
Woody: Barbie, we're almost ready for the place where you have your first…
Barbie: Thanks, but I got this one covered. Hey, Ken, come with me for a minute.
Ken: Oh. Okay.
Jessie: Woody, the beach is all set.
(The Toys set up the beach)
Spanish Buzz: Hemos eliminado la caca de la arena para gatos. (We removed the poop from the kitty litter.)
Mrs. Potato Head: Spanish is so beautiful!
(Slinky calls out)
Slinky: Hey, everybody, look out the window.
(The Toys went to the window. Ken and Barbie went outside, wearing their winter coats)
Slinky: What are they doing out there?
Buttercup: It's got to be a bazillion degrees below.
Hamm: Good thing they wore the 1982 Winter Weekend Collection.
(Ken leaned forward and kissed Barbie)
Woody: Looks like she does have this one covered.
Dolly: Ka-click.
Mrs. Potato Head: How romantic!
Mr. Potato Head: Yeah. Until they fall off the deck.
(Ken and Barbie walked and…they fell into the snow. Everybody is silent)
Hamm: I'll get the shovel.
(He leaves)
(THE END)

CAST (in order of appearance)
Tom Hanks – Woody
Tim Allen – Buzz Lightyear
Joan Cusack – Jessie
Kristen Schaal – Trixie
Wallace Shawn – Rex
Axel Geddes – Rexing Bull
Jeff Garlin – Buttercup
Estelle Harris – Mrs. Potato Head
Don Rickles – Mr. Potato Head
Timothy Dalton – Mr. Pricklepants
Jeff Pidgeon – Aliens
Zoe Levin – Peas-in-a-Pod
Emily Hahn – Bonnie
Lori Alan – Bonnie's mom
Blake Clark – Slinky Dog
John Ratzeberger – Hamm
Michael Keaton – Ken
Jodi Benson – Barbie
Bonnie Hunt – Dolly
Angus MacLane – Captain Zip
Bud Luckey – Chuckles
Javier Fernandez-Pena – Spanish Buzz
VOCALISTS: Edie Lehmann Boddicker, Randy Crenshaw

(POST-CREDITS SCENE)
[INT. BONNIE'S BEDROOM – DAY. Ken and Barbie were frozen solid. The Toys were using the dryer to make the ice melt)
Buzz: Best vacation ever.
Woody: Yeah.

Wreck-It Ralph 2012 full script

Wreck-It Ralph

Directed by: Rich Moore
Produced by: Clark Spencer
Screenplay by: Phil Johnston, Jennifer Lee
Story by: Rich Moore, Phil Johnston, Jim Reardon
Starring: Skylar Astin, Adam Carolla, Kevin Deters, John DiMaggio, Jamie Elman, Tucker Gilmore, Jess Harnell, Rachael Harris, Dennis Haysbert, Kyle Hebert, Martin Jarvis, Phil Johnston, Mindy Kaling, Brian Kesinger, Maurice LaMarche, Reuben Langdon, Katie Lowes, Jane Lynch, Tim Mertens, Jack McBrayer, Edie McClurg, Rich Moore, Ed O'Neill, Raymond S. Persi, John C. Reilly, Gerald C. Rivers, Jamie Sparer Roberts, Horatio Sanz, Brandon Scott, Stefanie Scott, Sarah Silverman, Roger Craig Smith, Josie Trinidad, Joe Lo Truglio, Alan Tudyk, Cymbre Walk
Music by: Henry Jackman
Edited by: Tim Mertens
Production company: Walt Disney Pictures, Walt Disney Animation Studios
Distributed by: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
Theatrical release dates: October 29, 2012 (El Capitan Theatre), November 2, 2012 (United States)
DVD/Blu-Ray release date: March 5, 2013
Running time: 101 minutes
Country: United States
Language: English
Budget: $165 million
Box office: $471.2 million
MPAA Rating: PG: "Parental Guidance Suggested. Some Material May Not Be Suitable For Children." (for some rude humor and mild action/violence)
Rotten Tomatoes: Critic Score: 86% Certified Fresh. Average Rating: 7.5/10. Reviews Counted: 168. Fresh: 145. Rotten: 23. Critics Consensus: Equally entertaining for both kids and parents old enough to catch the references, Wreck-It Ralph is a clever, colorful adventure built on familiar themes and joyful nostalgia.
Aspect Ratio: 2.39:1
English Subtitles SDH: (WHITE)

(WALT DISNEY PICTURES: On a night sky background, we see a star, a la Pinocchio. Then, some clouds appear, a la Mary Poppins, and a pirate ship, a la Peter Pan. We then see the castle, a la Cinderella, done in CGI, while different fireworks are appearing. A circular line is drawn over the castle (in the same vein as the previous logo), then the castle enters many dots from the bottom of the screen to reveal "DiSNEY", in the post-1979 Disney script logo font, albeit slightly revised. The circular line is nearly staying visible on the logo)
(WALT DISNEY ANIMATION STUDIOS is done in a retro video game style on a black background)
(FADE IN:)
("INSERT COIN" blinks on the menu screen of FIX-IT FELIX, JR. We hear a coin being deposited)
(EXT. NICELAND - DAY. WRECK-IT RALPH is asleep inside his stump. A voice-over kicks in, sounding more like a confessional than a traditional V.O.)
Ralph: (V.O.) My name's Ralph, and I'm a bad guy. Let's see. I'm nine feet tall. I weigh 643 pounds. Got a little bit of a temper on me.
(A bulldozer removes Ralph and the stump. Ralph's head pops out of the stump)
Ralph: (ON-SCREEN) Hey, you moved my stump! (GROWLING)
(Ralph throws a bit of a tantrum)
RALPH: My passion bubbles very near the surface, I guess, not gonna lie.
(The NICELAND APARTMENTS are constructed where the stump was)
Ralph: (V.O.) Anyhoo, what else? Uh... I'm a wrecker. I wreck things. Professionally.
(Ralph appears on screen in front of the Niceland Apartments)
Ralph: (ON-SCREEN) I'm going to wreck it!
(Ralph wrecks the building. He throws a Nicelander)
Ralph: (V.O.) I'm very good at what I do. Probably the best I know. The thing is, fixing is the name of the game. Literally, Fix-It Felix, Jr.
NICELANDERS: Fix it, Felix!
(FIX-IT FELIX arrives and starts fixing)
Felix: I can fix it!
RALPH: So, yeah, naturally, the guy with the name Fix-It Felix is the good guy. He's nice enough as good guys go. Definitely fixes stuff really well. But, uh, if you've got a magic hammer from your father, how hard can it be?
Mary: Yoo-hoo!
(MARY pops up in a window with a pie. Felix eats the pie, and a protective hard-hat appears on his head)
Ralph: (V.O.) If he was a regular contractor carpenter guy, I guarantee you would not be able to fix the damage that I do as quickly.
(The damage is repaired. The screen reads "YOU FIXED IT!")
Ralph: (V.O.) And when Felix does a good job, he gets a medal.
(A Nicelander places a little medal around Felix's neck and gives him a peck on the cheek)
Ralph: (V.O.) But are there medals for wrecking stuff really well? To that I say, "Ha!"
(The Nicelanders pick up Ralph and thrown him off the roof)
Ralph: Ahhhhhhhh!
(He lands on the ground in the mud. KER-PLUNK)
Ralph: (V.O.) And, no, there aren't.
(We pull back from the game console. We're in...)
(LITWAK’S FAMILY FUN CENTER. The place is bustling. CHIRON: "30 YEARS AGO.")
Ralph: (V.O.) Thirty years I've been doing this and I've seen a lot of other games come and go. Kind of sad. I think about all those guys from Asteroids. Boom! Gone. Centipede? Who knows where that guy is, you know? Look, a steady arcade gig is nothing to sneeze at.
(TIME LAPSE -- The arcade expands over the years. Games get wheeled out. New games get wheeled in. Owner LARRY LITWAK takes real good care of the place through the years)
(CHIRON: "TODAY")
Ralph: (V.O.) I'm very lucky. It's just, I got to say, it becomes kind of hard to love your job when no one seems to like you for doing it.
(The arcade is older now, and all the games are more modern. A giant first-person shooter game gets wheeled in. The arcade closes. The "Open" sign shuts off)
(The Dance Dance Revolution screen is visible in the background. On it we see a cycle of the dancer dancing. The dancer suddenly stops, peeks toward the darkened "Open" sign)
(INSET THE GAME: The dancer relaxes)
Dancer: (calling out) All clear! The arcade is closed!
(She and her back-up dancers limp off, rubbing their shoulders, limping, stretching after a long day of dancing)
(INSET STREET FIGHTER GAME CONSOLE: Two fighters, RYU and KEN stop beating each other)
Ryu: Whoo! What a day! You want to head to Tappers, Ken?
Ken: If you're buying, buddy.
(They put their arms around each other and walk off screen)
(BACK ON THE FIX-IT FELIX CONSOLE: Felix and the Nicelanders are on the roof)
FELIX: Quitting time!
(We push through the game screen...)
(EXT. NICELAND - DAY. The game is now in hyper-realistic 3-D)
RALPH: I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't be feeling this way if things were different after work. But it is what it is.
Felix: Good job, everyone!
(Felix and the Nicelanders exit the roof as we pan down the building and get a sense of the world)
RALPH: Felix and the Nicelanders go hang out in their homes which he's just fixed.
(Ralph picks himself up from the mud. He watches sadly as the Nicelanders ignore him and carry Felix to the penthouse)
Ralph: (V.O.) And everyone, you know... They go to their homes, I go to mine which happens to be a dump. And when I say "a dump," I don't mean like a shabby place. I mean an actual dump, where the garbage goes and a bunch of bricks and smashed building parts... That's what I call home.
(Ralph climbs up the brick pile he calls home)
Ralph: (V.O.) I guess I can't bellyache too much. I got my bricks, I got my stump.
(He pummels the bricks into dust and pulls a pile of bricks over him like a blanket. He stares longingly at the building)
Ralph: (V.O.) It looks uncomfortable. It's actually fine. I'm good.
(CLOSE ON: Ralph, who sighs a very long sigh)
Ralph: (V.O.) But if I'm really honest with myself... I see Felix up there getting patted on the back, people are giving him pie and thanking him and so happy to see him all the time. Sometimes I think...
(RALPH'S POV: Through the penthouse windows, he can see Felix being ushered over by the Nicelanders to a dinner table full of delicious, warm entrées)
(CLOSE ON RALPH. As he speaks out-loud)
Ralph: Man, it sure must be nice being the good guy.
(Applause. Pull back to reveal...)
(INT. VIDEO GAME (LIKE A CHURCH BASEMENT) - NIGHT. Ralph sits in a room full of VIDEO GAME BAD GUYS. A sign on the wall reads: "BadAnon: One Game at a Time.")
CLYDE: Nice share, Ralph. As fellow bad guys, we've all felt what you're feeling and we've come to terms with it.
Ralph: Really?
ZANGIEF: Right here. (thick Russian accent) I am Zangief. I am bad guy.
Other Bad Guys: Hi, Zangief!
Ralph: Hi, Zangief.
Zangief: I relate to you, Ralph. When I hit bottom, I was crushing man's skull like sparrow egg between my thighs. (smacking his thigh) And I think, "Why do you have to be so bad, Zangief? "Why can't you be more like good guy?" Then I have moment of clarity. If Zangief is good guy, who'll crush man's skull like sparrow's egg between thighs? And I say, "Zangief, you are bad guy, "but this does not mean you are 'bad' guy."
(Claps of understanding)
Ralph: Right. I'm sorry. You lost me there.
Zombie: (thick Zombie accent) Zombie! Bad guy!
Other Bad Guys: Hi, Zombie.
Ralph: Hi, Zombie.
Zombie: Zangief saying labels not make you happy. Good! Bad! (GROWLS) (Frankenstein growl) You must love you.
Cy-Borg: Yeah! Inside here!
(Cy-Borg rips out Zombie's heart, shows it to Ralph)
Ralph: Okay. All right, I get you. Watch out. It's dripping.
Clyde: Question, Ralph. We've been asking you to Bad-Anon for years now and tonight you finally show up. Why is that?
Ralph: I don't know. I just felt like coming. I suppose it has something to do with the fact that, uh... Well, today is the 30th anniversary of my game.
Satine: Well, happy anniversary, Ralph.
Ralph: Thanks, Satan.
Satine: Uh, it's Sateen, actually.
Ralph: Got it. But here's the thing. (SIGHS) (exhales, then) I don't want to be the bad guy anymore.
(GASPS. Bowser spits out his coffee and thus fire)
Cy-Borg: You can't mess with the program, Ralph.
M. Bison: (miming "crazy") You're not going Turbo, are you?
Ralph: Turbo? No, I'm not going Turbo! Come on, guys! Is it Turbo to want a friend? Or a medal? Or a piece of pie every once in a while? Is it Turbo to want more out of life?
Zombie: Yes!
Clyde: Ralph, Ralph, we get it. But we can't change who we are. And the sooner you accept that, the better off your game and your life will be.
Zangief: Hey. One game at a time, Ralph.
Clyde: Let's close out with the Bad Guy Affirmation.
(They all get up, hold hands)
All Bad Guys: I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me.
(Ralph doesn't say the Affirmation. His eyes are wide open-- a non-believer)
(The TITLE burns in over Ralph: WRECK-IT RALPH)
CLYDE: Okay, gang, see you next week.
M. BISON: Listen, I can't do snacks next week.
(The bad guys break the circle. Satan puts a supportive hand on Ralph's back)
Satine: Hang in there, Ralph.
CLYDE: Hey, Zombie, don't forget your hatchets.
(We pull out to see that the meeting was held in the center room of Pac-Man. Ralph filches two cherries and catches up with the others)
(TUNNEL TO GAME CENTRAL STATION. The bad guys climb onto a train car and shove off down the tracks. Ralph sits on the back with the cherries)
(INT. LITWAK'S FAMILY FUNLAND - NIGHT. We follow the trail of the train through the power cord of the Pac-Man game to the power strip)
(TUNNEL TO GAME CENTRAL STATION. The characters hop off the cart and make their way into...)
(GAME CENTRAL STATION ...a huge open concourse full of VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS bustling about)
Grand Central Announcer: (V.O.) Ladies and gentlemen, please do not leave personal items unattended. Unattended items will be confiscated. Report any suspicious activity to the Surge Protector. Last call for Tapper wagon, departing in outlet two. Tapper wagon, last call. Soul train to Dance Dance Revolution now boarding in outlet twelve. All aboard the Soul Train, outlet twelve.
(Ralph passes through the entrance, and a rent-a-cop, SURGE PROTECTOR, appears out of nowhere. A buzzer sounds)
Ralph: (GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)
Surge Protector: Step aside, sir. Random security check.
Ralph: Random my behind! You always stop me.
Surge Protector: I'm just a surge protector doing my job, sir. Name?
Ralph: Lara Croft.
Surge Protector: Name?
Ralph: Wreck-It Ralph!
Surge Protector: And where are you coming from?
Ralph: Uh... Pac-Man .
Surge Protector: Did you bring any fruit with you?
(Ralph hides the cherries behind his back)
Ralph: No! No. No fruit.
Surge Protector: Okay, then. Where are you heading?
Ralph: Fix-It Felix Jr.
Surge Protector: Anything to declare?
Ralph: I hate you.
Surge Protector: I get that a lot. Proceed.
(As Ralph walks through the console. People move out of his way and whisper things like, "Bad Guy." "Watch out.")
Angel Kid: (whispering) Bad guy coming!
(He passes a screen displaying a PSA video narrated by Sonic the Hedgehog)
SONIC: If you leave your game, stay safe, stay alert, and whatever you do, don't die. Because if you die outside your own game you don't regenerate. Ever. Game over.
(Ralph comes upon a group of homeless characters, Q*Bert amongst them, who hold a sign: "Out of Order. Please Help!" Ralph hands Q*Bert a cherry)
Ralph: Here you go, buddy. It's fresh. Straight from Pac-Man's. Hang in there, guys.
(He approaches the entrance to the Fix-It Felix portal. The buzzer sounds and Surge Protector appears)
Surge Protector: Name?
Ralph: (GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)
(A RAGING PARTY. In a gorgeous penthouse. Disco lights spin. Nicelanders dance and drink. SKRILLEX DJs. Felix passes out hors d'oeuvres)
(EXT. NICELAND / FIX-IT FELIX. Ralph arrives on the trolley)
(CRACK! SIZZLE! Ralph looks up just as "WE LOVE YOU FELIX" fireworks burst over the Niceland apartments. Huh?)
(He digs two bottles out of the trash. He uses them as binoculars, and aims them at the penthouse...)
(THROUGH BINOCULARS: it's a rockin' party)
Ralph: "Happy 30th Anniversary"? They're having a party without me.
(There are ice sculptures and dancing and a giant buffet table. Eating his way across the table is PAC-MAN)
Ralph: Pac-Man? They invited Pac-Man? That cherry-chasing dot-muncher isn't even part of this game!
(He slams the bottles down. They shatter)
(INT. NICELAND PENTHOUSE. Felix struts through the room, happy and proud)
Roy: Great party, Felix.
Felix: Why, thank you, friend.
Deanna: Felix. You're needed on the dance floor!
(Deanna drags him onto a colorful dance floor. Felix does his Fix-it Hammer dance. Everyone follows along)
NICELANDERS: Fix-It Felix! Whoo-whoo! Fix-It Felix!
(The door bell RINGS)
Felix: Oh! I'll bet that's Mario. Fashionably late, per the norm.
Gene: I'll get it, Felix.
(Gene dances to the door and opens it. A smiling Ralph fills the door frame. Gene GASPS and slams the door)
Gene: It's Ralph!
(MURMURS of shock and confusion)
Don: He'll wreck the party!
Deanna: Hide the stemware!
Roy: Get rid of him, Felix.
Felix: Oh, right. I'll go talk to him. Carry on, everyone.
(Felix pulls out his hammer and heads out)
(INT. PENTHOUSE HALLWAY. Ralph still stands at the door. Felix slips out)
Felix: Ralph, can I help you?
Ralph: Hey, Felix. Just wanted to check on you. I saw a big explosion or something go over the building there.
Felix: Oh, those were just fireworks.
Ralph: Fireworks. Okay. Phewf. Somebody's birthday, or...
Felix: Well, it's more of an anniversary. The 30th anniversary of our game, actually.
Ralph: What? Is that today?
Felix: I know!
Ralph: Oh, I'm such a dummy with dates. Anyway, uh, congratulations.
Felix: Thank you, Ralph. And to you, too.
(Awkward silence. Finally, the door opens. A Frogger TURTLE sticks his head out)
Turtle: Hi. Just a heads-up, Felix. They're bringing out the cake in a few shakes.
Ralph: Hey, Glen.
Turtle: (terse) Ralph.
(Turtle shuts the door, fast)
Ralph: Cake? Heard about this cake stuff. (CHUCKLES) Never had it. No one ever seems to throw it out so it never ends up in the dump. I never actually tasted it. Uh... I've always wanted to try cake.
Felix: (shaking his head, no) I don't suppose you'd like to come in and have a slice, would you?
(INT. PENTHOUSE. Ralph throws the door open and pushes Felix inside)
Ralph: Hey-o, everybody!
(Ralph's head slams into the ceiling. A large chunks falls down on Felix YELPS! Felix drops DEAD)
(Everyone GASPS in horror. A little flower floats above Felix, and we hear a quick cycle of DEATH MUSIC)
(Felix suddenly regenerates next to Ralph)
Felix: I'm okay. I'm okay. Fit as a fiddle. Now, you all know Ralph.
Ralph: Evening. (breaking the steps) Evening, Nell, Lucy, Don, Dana...
Deanna: Deanna.
RALPH: Big Gene!
Gene: (to Felix, annoyed) Why is he here?
Felix: He's just here for a slice of cake.
Ralph: And I'm a big part of the game, technically speaking. Why are you here, Gene?
(Ralph bends down and he and Gene face off)
(Felix steps between them, breaking it up)
Felix: Oh, look! The cake!
(Mary wheels out an elaborate cake of the Niceland apartment building, complete with "We Love Felix" candy fireworks)
Felix: Well, I'll be dipped. You've really outdone yourself, Mary.
(The Nicelanders gather around the cake and HAIL PRAISE)
NORWOOD: Oh, and look! There's all of us at the top.
(Ralph approaches and looks over the cake)
(INSET CAKE: A little Felix stands on the roof, reaching for a medal, surrounded lovingly by Nicelanders. But there's no sign of Ralph)
Mary: Each apartment is everyone's favorite flavor. Norwood's is red velvet.
NORWOOD: Guilty!
Mary: And lemon for Lucy, rum cake for Gene, and for Felix...
(Ralph looks for his figurine, and finds himself in the mud, looking like some sort of deranged troll. His face sinks)
Ralph: Hey, Mary. Um... What's the flavor of that mud that I'm stuck in there?
Mary: Hmm? Oh. Chocolate.
Ralph: I've never been real fond of chocolate.
Mary: Well, I did not know that.
Ralph: One other little thing. I hate to be picky, but this angry little guy here...
(Ralph picks up the little Ralph figurine)
Mary: My cake!
Ralph: ...might be a lot happier if you put him up here with everyone else.
(He puts him on the roof, smooshing the cake a little)
(Ralph pushes an ugly smile onto his figurine's face)
Ralph: See that? Look at that smile.
Gene: No, no. You see, Ralph, there's no room for you up here.
(Gene knocks Little Ralph back into the mud)
Ralph: (CHUCKLES) What about this? We can make room. Here. We could take turns. Easy.
(Ralph puts Little Ralph back on top of the cake and slams Little Felix into the mud instead. The Nicelanders GASP)
Felix: How about we just eat the cake?
Gene: Hang on. Felix needs to be on the roof because he's about to get his medal!
Ralph: Then how about we just take that medal and give it to Ralph for once? Would that be the end of the world, Gene?
(Ralph rips the medal off, breaking the delicate fireworks, and puts it on little Ralph)
Gene: Now you're just being ridiculous. Only good guys win medals, and you, sir, are no good guy.
Ralph: I could be a good guy if I wanted to, and I could win a medal!
Gene: Uh-huh. And when you do, come and talk to us.
(Gene takes Ralph off the cake)
Ralph: And then would you finally let me be on top of the cake with you guys?
Gene: If you won a medal, we'd let you live up here in the penthouse! (off Ralph's look) But it will never happen...
(Gene rips the medal off little Ralph, puts it on little Felix, and puts Felix back on the top)
Gene: Because you're just the bad guy who wrecks the building.
Ralph: No, I'm not.
(Gene slams Little Ralph back in the mud upside down)
Gene: Yes, you are!
Ralph: No, I'm not!
(Ralph slams his fist down right on the cake. SMASH! Chunks of cake and frosting cover the Nicelanders. Pac-Man stops eating. His mouth falls open in shock)
Gene: Yes, you are.
Ralph: All right, Gene. You know what? I'm going to win a medal. Oh, I am going to win a medal! The shiniest medal this place has ever seen! A medal that will be so good that it will make Felix's medals wet their pants! And good night. Thank you for the party.
(Ralph exits, smashing a hole in the other side of the door)
Roy: Is he serious?
Gene: Oh, please! Where's a bad guy going to win a medal? Of course he's not serious.
(RALPH'S HAND CATCHING A BEER. We're in a bar)
Ralph: I've never been more serious about anything in my life. That's why I came straight here, Tapper.
(TAPPER the bartender collects the empties in front or Ralph)
Ralph: You've never given me a bum steer. Now, come on. Where can a guy like me go and win a medal?
Tapper: I don't think such a game exists, Ralph.
Ralph: Oh, come on. You know people. There's got to be...
MALE CUSTOMER: Tapper, I need a root beer.
Tapper: Coming! (to Ralph) Hold that thought.
(Tapper runs off)
(OUTSIDE THE GAME CONSOLE: we watch the 8-bit view of the Root Beer Tapper game as Tapper zips down a row of bars, sliding beers to other customers)
(BACK INSIDE THE GAME: Tapper returns to Ralph's side)
Tapper: Okay. As you were saying.
Ralph: I was saying, I can't spend another 30 years living alone in the garbage. I'm not going back without a medal.
Tapper: Well, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe somebody left a medal here. You're welcome to dig through the lost and found.
(INT. BROOM CLOSET. Ralph digs through the "lost and found" crate. Behind him we see a hallway with the saloon doors on one side and restrooms on the other)
Ralph: Okay, let's see what we got here.
(Ralph rummages through the box. A little cockroach scurries out of the box. Ralph SHOOS it)
Ralph: Oh! Shoo! Shoo! Go on, get out of here. (back rummaging) Mushroom? No. What is this? No. (picking up a pair of red briefs) Oh, come on, Zangief! Gross.
(Ralph sighs, pushes the crate back into the closet, sighs
Ralph: What am I doing?
(Just then, a heavily-armored space marine enters through the saloon doors and bumps into Ralph)
Ralph: Hey, excuse you!
(The marine staggers on and right into the wall again and again, in a walk cycle. Meet PVT. MARKOWSKI)
Markowski: (mumbling, shell-shocked) We are humanity's last hope. Our mission? Destroy all Cy-Bugs. We are humanity's last hope.
(Ralph stands and looks at him, curious)
Ralph: Uh... You okay there, space cadet?
(Markowski whips around quickly and grabs Ralph by the collar)
Markowski: We've only been plugged in a week and every day it's, "Climb the building, then fight bugs. Climb the building, fight more bugs!"
(Ralph pries Markowski's hands off of his collar)
Ralph: Yeah, yeah. Right. Look. Easy on the overalls, spaceman. It's tough all over, all right?
(Ralph heads for the door)
Markowski: And all for what? A lousy medal?
Ralph: Medal? You win a medal?
Markowski: Yeah, Medal of Heroes.
Ralph: Ooh. Is it shiny?
Markowski: Pretty shiny.
Ralph: Ooh! And it says "hero" on it?
Markowski: Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.
Ralph: And you say you win it by climbing a building?
Markowski: And fighting bugs!
Ralph: Right, bugs. Is there any chance I could go with you to your game and maybe get one of those medals?
Markowski: Negatory.
Ralph: Does that mean maybe?
Markowski: No! Look, only the bravest and the best serve in our corps.
(The little cockroach climbs up the wall beside him. Markowski sees it and squeals like a little baby)
Markowski: Bug! (SCREAMS)
(He goes to run away. But slams into the wall and passes out. Ralph looks down at him and gets an idea)
(INT. BROOM CLOSET — MOMENTS LATER. We see Markowski passed out in his skivvies. An armored foot kicks Markowski's leg in, slams the door, and breaks off the door handle)
(It's Ralph in Markowski's armor, his gut hanging out. He SUCKS in his breath, PULLS UP his pants. Breathes a sigh of relief. His gut pops back out)
(INT. GAME CENTRAL STATION)
FEMALE ANNOUNCER ON PA: Attention! The arcade will open in five minutes. Please report to your games.
(A clumsy armored RALPH steps out of the Tapper's entrance)
Ralph: (to himself) I can't feel my legs. What is all this stuff? Smells like Ralph in here. Okay. All right. What was it called again? Hero's something. Duty. Hero's Duty.
(He sees soldiers in the same uniform going into a game called HERO'S DUTY. He follows. He trips over Q*Bert)
Q*Bert: $^&#$^&!
Ralph: (flipping up the visor) Sorry, Qbert. It's me, Ralph. Shh!
(Q*Bert is shocked to see Ralph. Ralph flips the visor back down. He heads for the Hero's Duty entrance)
(Q*Bert watches after him)
Q*Bert: ...?
(LITWAK'S FAMILY FUN CENTER — MORNING. The sun is up over Litwak's. Litwak lights up the OPEN sign)
Mr. Litwak: Morning, kids. Come on in. Good to see you. Good to see you. You, too, little fella.
(INT. HERO'S DUTY, TRAM STATION. A high-speed shuttle sweeps up to a stop. The doors open. A smiling Ralph and a few other soldiers run out. MUSIC STARTS. Ralph looks around in awe)
ANNOUNCER OVER PA: Quarter alert! Quarter alert! This is not a drill.
Ralph: Ooh! Sweet golden medal!
(Ralph follows the other soldiers)
(QUARTERS GO INTO A MACHINE. A MOPPET GIRL picks up the gun in front of the Hero's Duty console)
NARRATOR: On a planet with no name, a top-secret experiment has gone horribly wrong.
(INT. HERO'S DUTY, DARK HULL — DAY. It's chock full of soldiers. Ralph joins them)
Soldier: Come on now, hustle up. Clock is ticking. Let's go.
Ralph: Rooting-tooting, ready for shooting! (CHUCKLES)
(Just then, SERGEANT TAMORA JEAN CALHOUN steps up before her men)
CALHOUN: All right. Now listen up, because I'm only going to say this once. Fear is a four-letter word, ladies. If you want to go pee-pee in your big-boy slacks, keep it to yourself. It's make your mamas proud time!
Ralph: I love my mama!
OFFICER: Heads up! First-person shooter, coming through!
(Soldiers make way for a rinky-dink robot with a flat-screen head that displays the count-down to game play. Stiff mechanical arms hold a gun. The wheels are wobbly to simulate walking. Meet the FIRST-PERSON SHOOTER ("FPS"))
ANNOUNCER OVER PA: Game play in three, two, one.
Calhoun: We are humanity's last hope. Our mission? Destroy all Cy-Bugs.
(Ralph shoves his way to the front, right behind the FPS)
Calhoun: You ready, rookie? Let's find out.
(The door opens and the view is vicious!)
(The wind is wild. The terrain is sharp and twisted. Giant CY- BUGS fly towards them. They're part machine, part nature, with razor-sharp pincers, thrashing metal teeth and laser wings. A 99-story caustic building rises up out of the twisted ground behind them)
Ralph: (terrified) Sweet Mother Hubbard!
(Ralph is pushed out of the hub with the other soldiers)
RALPH: No, no, no! Wait a second! Aah!
Calhoun: Cy-Bug, twelve o'clock. Take it, newbie.
(As soldiers start killing bugs, Ralph runs around in a panic)
RALPH: No, no! Wait, wait!
(He raises his gun and shoots randomly)
Calhoun: Watch it, rookie! These monsters become what they eat.
(A cy-bug grabs Ralph's gun out of his hands and eats it)
Ralph: My gun! Give me that back.
(The cy-bug's arm MORPHS into a gun. It starts shooting. Ralph SCREAMS and runs away)
Calhoun: (to the FPS) Shoot the eggs before they hatch!
(A Cy-bug lays a bunch of eggs in front of Ralph)
Ralph: Oh, no! Something's coming out of their bottom! Oh, gross!
(OUT IN THE ARCADE: The moppet girl looks confused. Calhoun steps into frame, grabs Ralph, and throws him off-screen)
Calhoun: Markowski! Get back in formation!
(BACK INSIDE HERO'S DUTY: Calhoun gets back on script)
Calhoun: All right, ladies, the kitten whispers and tickle fights stop now. The entrance to the lab is straight ahead.
(Ralph peeks up from behind a rock, looks at the building)
Ralph: I'll meet you guys inside!
(He runs for the building)
Calhoun: No!
Ralph: Oh! Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
(As soon as he crosses the bridge, he sets off a sensors. The lab doors fly open and a bigger swarm of cy-bugs pours out. Ralph runs up to the FPS, banging his head on the screen. He pleads to the screen)
Ralph: I thought this was going to be like Centipede! When did video games become so violent and scary?
(OUTSIDE THE GAME: The gamer sees his face pressed up against the screen as he blubbers)
Ralph: Please, get me out of here!
(BACK INSIDE THE GAME: Ralph uses the FPS droid as a shield)
Ralph: Take her!
(OUTSIDE THE GAME: The gamer watches the camera angle whip up to the jaws of a giant cy-bug, then flip down as if the FPS has fallen dead)
ANNOUNCER: Game over.
(The "GAME OVER" flashes on the screen. The girl slams the gun into its holder and marches away)
Moppet Girl: What a rip-off!
(BACK INSIDE HERO'S DUTY: Ralph grapples with the cy-bug who tries to eat him)
Ralph: Ah! Get off me! It's game over. Stop it!
SOLDIERS: Beacon up!
OFFICERS: Cease fire! Cease fire!
(A beacon light suddenly shines through the center of the building and out the top)
(The cy-bug suddenly stops attacking Ralph. It turns to the light, charmed by it. It flies into the light and is zapped into oblivion, along with all the other bugs)
ANNOUNCER: Attention! Return to start positions. Return to start positions.
(The FPS robot rises back towards vertical. Ralph dusts him off)
Ralph: Here, let me help you. Sorry about that.
(Annoyed, its mechanical arms swat Ralph away. It rolls off)
Ralph: Yeah, you must be upset.
(Calhoun bounds toward Ralph)
CALHOUN: Markowski.
Ralph: Who? Whoa! Oh, yeah, me. I'm Markowski.
(Ralph stands at attention, chin raised, to avoid detection)
(Calhoun CLOCKS his helmet with the butt of her gun)
Ralph: Ah!
Calhoun: What's the first rule of Hero's Duty?
Ralph: No cuts, no butts, no coconuts?
(She clocks him again)
Calhoun: Never interfere with the first-person shooter. Our job is to get the gamers to the top of that building so they can get a medal, and that's it! So stick to the program, soldier!
Ralph: Right. Right. Aye, aye.
ANNOUNCER: Quarter alert! Quarter alert!
Calhoun: (walking away) All right, pussy willows. Back to start positions!
Ralph: Yeah, right. No way I'm going through that again. So that's where they keep the medal, huh?
(He looks up at the formidable building)
(LITWAK'S ARCADE. The moppet that had been playing Hero's Duty now walks up to a cheerful racing game called SUGAR RUSH. The marquee advertises: "New Racers Daily" and "Build your own kart." Two BIG KIDS are playing it)
Moppet Girl: Hmm. "New racers daily." Sweet! I got next game.
(The moppet goes to put a quarter on the console. The Big Kid slides her quarter off with a whole roll of quarters)
Big Kid One: Go away, kid! We're going to play all nine of today's racers!
Big Kid Two: Yeah!
Moppet Girl: Sorry.
(The Moppet sighs, goes over to Fix-It Felix, Jr. instead)
(INSIDE NICELAND: The intro music plays. Nicelanders take their positions. But Ralph does not. A quote bubble pops up where he should be, reading: I'M GONNA WRECK IT!)
(BACK ON THE MOPPET GIRL. She looks confused)
Moppet Girl: Hmm. Where's the wrecking guy?
(INSIDE NICELAND: The Nicelanders start to panic)
Mary: Where's Ralph? He should be wrecking the building.
Gene: Shh! Stick with the program.
NICELANDERS: Fix it, Felix!
Felix: (jumping on screen) I can fix it!
(He GASPS in shock to see there's no Ralph and nothing to fix, but quickly recovers and smiles for the gamer)
Felix: (through gritted teeth) (WHISPERS) Ralph! Quarter alert! Game on!
(The Moppet Girl makes Felix bounce up the building)
Mary: (WHISPERING) Do something, Felix!
Felix: Just act natural. I'll fix it.
(BACK ON THE MOPPET GIRL. She freaks as the joystick moves on its own as Felix climbs down the building and runs off screen)
FELIX: Ralph! Ralph!
(INSIDE NICELAND: Felix climbs Ralph's garbage pile. Ralph's not there. Felix's reassuring face turns to panic)
Felix: Oh, my land! Where is he?
(BACK ON THE MOPPET GIRL. She's fed up)
Moppet Girl: Mr. Litwak!
Mr. Litwak: What's the trouble, sweetheart?
Moppet Girl: The game's busted.
(Mr. Litwak takes a look. He can see the Nicelanders and Felix panicking on screen and hears nonsensical computer chatter)
MR. LITWAK: Oh, boy. Looks like the game's gone cuckoo, like my nana. (to the moppet) Sorry, sweetie. Here's your quarter back.
(He gives her back a quarter)
Moppet Girl: But what about the game?
Mr. Litwak: I'll have someone look at it tomorrow... But if he can't fix it, it might be time to put old Ralph and Felix out to pasture. Like my nana.
(Litwak hangs an OUT OF ORDER sign on the screen)
(INSIDE NICELAND: The Nicelanders run out of the building and watch in horror as the sign eclipses the arcade light)
Gene: Ladies and gentlemen, we're out of order.
Mary: Sweet mercy! Without Ralph, we're doomed!
Roy: They're going to pull our plug!
Felix: (forced positivity) Okay, everybody, calm down. Ralph probably fell asleep in the washroom of Tapper's again.
(Just then, a light approaches through the cord)
Felix: (relieved) See? There he is now.
(The push-cart arrives, cranked by Q*Bert, not Ralph)
Felix: Why, it's Q*Bert. What brings you here, neighbor?
Q*Bert: #$^&#$#(@!!*@!
Gene: What's he saying, Felix?
Felix: Stand by. My Q*Bert-ese is a little rusty. (CLEARS THROAT) (in bad Q*Bertese) #$*@)^#(?@#
Q*Bert: $^&@#$*@)#!!@!&!
Felix: (in bad Q*Bertese) !!*$&)@#?
Q*Bert: &#$#$&*))@!!*$&
Felix: Ralph's gone Turbo!
(RALPH'S STRAINED, GROWLING FACE. Pull back to reveal, he's still in Hero's Duty. He's forgone the armor and he's climbing the building)
(Ralph reaches the top. He peers in the window, sees:)
(A sea of eggs leads to a chamber in the middle of the room. Inside the chamber floats the Medal of Heroes)
Ralph: Ooh! Shiny.
(DOWN BELOW: Soldiers return to Start Position)
ANNOUNCER: Attention! The arcade is now closed.
Soldier 1: Did you get a load of Markowski?
(Calhoun stops, squints, sniffs. She raises her hand, quieting her troops)
Calhoun: Shut your chew holes. (to herself) Cy-Bug.
(We hear a BLING. BLING. Felix steps out of the shadows. Calhoun reels around starts firing--)
Calhoun: Taste it!
(Soldiers open fire on Felix, too. He springs into action, bouncing, dodging bullets and laser beams. BLING. BLING)
(Calhoun finally tackles him, straddles him and pins him down)
Calhoun: Slick Tiddlywinking, pint-size.
(She drives her gun's muzzle into his face)
Felix: I'm Fix-It Felix, Jr., ma'am. From the game Fix-It Felix, Jr.
(From the low angle, looking up at her)
Felix: Jiminey jaminey! Look at that high definition. Your face! It's amazing!
Calhoun: Flattery don't charge these batteries, civilian.
(She let's him up)
Calhoun: Now, state your business.
Felix: Oh, I'm looking for my colleague, Wreck-it Ralph?
Calhoun: Never heard of him.
Felix: Well, Q*Bert saw him come in here.
Calhoun: Impossible. Nothing gets past me.
(A CRASH is heard from above)
Kohut: That came from the tower.
(They look and see Ralph's shadow on the top floor made giant by the beacon light)
(ON THE TOP FLOOR OF THE LAB: Ralph punches the window, breaks it, and steps in. He does his most careful TIP-TOE across a sea of eggs)
Ralph: Nice eggs. Nice eggs! Okay. That was easy.
(He climbs the steps up to the chamber, triggering a giant hologram head to appear)
General Hologram: Congratulations, soldier. It is my honor to bestow upon you the Medal of Heroes.
Ralph: (in awe) Wow!
(The medal floats down to him. As it does, we see...)
(RALPH'S PENTHOUSE PARTY — VISION. Ralph is on the dance floor surrounded by Nicelanders doing the Wreck-it Ralph dance)
(Mary wheels out a cake with a handsome Ralph on top, wearing his Medal of Heroes and being hugged by the Nicelander figurines)
(Gene is outside in the brick pile looking longingly up at the party through binoculars. He cries)
(BACK TO REALITY: The medal lands around Ralph's neck)
Ralph: No way!
General Hologram: Ten-hut! History will long revere your courage and sacrifice.
(More holograms of space Colonels and Generals surround him. Heroic music plays. Ralph backs down the steps, smiling and waving to the holograms)
General Hologram: You have etched in the rock of virtue a legacy beyond compare.
Ralph: Thanks, guys. At ease!
General Hologram: You are the universe's greatest hero.
(CRACK! Ralph steps on an egg. SMASH! The egg shatters)
Ralph: Oops! Aye-yai-yai.
(Ralph leans in for a closer look. The baby bug opens its eyes cutely and then attacks. It attaches itself to Ralph's face)
General Hologram: The living embodiment of all this corps represents.
Ralph: Oh. (SCREAMS)
General Hologram: Bravery. Integrity. Grace under pressure. And above all, dignity.
Ralph: Ahhhhhmmmffff!
(Ralph stumbles around, flies back and into one of the space pods. A harness immediately locks him in place. The door slams shut)
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Escape pod activated.
(The engine fires and then BOOM! The space pod bursts out of the top of the building)
(INSIDE THE POD: Ralph struggles to pull the cy-bug off him)
Ralph: (struggling) Get off my face!
(BACK OUTSIDE: The pod barrels down on Calhoun and Felix)
KOHUT: Incoming!
(The pod flies over the heads of Calhoun and Felix. As it passes by, Calhoun sees the cy-bug on Ralph's face)
Felix: Ralph!
Calhoun: Cy-Bug!
(The pods flies out of the game into tunnel to Game Central)
(INT. GAME CENTRAL STATION - MOMENTS LATER. Ralph's pod blasts into the terminal, spiraling like an out-of-control bottle rocket off the floor and walls. Ralph tries to pry the bug off of his face. POP! It lets go)
Ralph: A-ha!
(But then the bug starts to grow, fast)
Ralph: Oh, no!
(The space pod launches into the tunnel of another game. The blackness of the tunnel turns pink. Globs of pink goo collect on the windshield)
Ship's Robot Voice: Engine Failure. Engine Failure.
Ralph: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
(The space pod CRASH LANDS in...)
(A CANDY WORLD. It destroys a slice of countryside before stopping at the edge of a cliff. Ralph and the cy-bug slam against the dash. Something beeps. It's the EJECT button!)
Ralph: Uh-oh. Whoaaaaaaaa!!!
(Ralph and the cy-bug catapult out of the ship. Ralph lands at the top of a tree. The cy-bug continues on and slams into a nearby tree. It falls into a taffy pool and sinks as if dead)
Ralph: Sayonara, sucker!
(From his vantage point Ralph can see a candy race track and a bunch of dessert go-karts whizzing by. A giant sign glistens: SUGAR RUSH)
Ralph: "Sugar Rush"? Oh, no! This is that candy go-cart game over by the Whac-A-Mole. I got to get out of here.
(He wipes the stickiness off on his shirt and realizes that his medal is gone)
Ralph: Oh, no! My medal! (STUTTERING) (GASPS) No, no, no, no, my medal!
(He spots the medal dangling from the highest branch of a peppermint tree. Ralph quickly climbs down the tree as it shakes from his weight)
(THE MEDAL IN THE PEPPERMINT TREE — MOMENTS LATER. The tree is surrounded by a bubbling taffy pool. Ralph teeters across some wobbly gum drops floating in the pool. He grabs the tree and climbs, eyes on the medal)
Vanellope: (O.S.) Hi, mister.
Ralph: (SCREAMS)
(He looks up, terrified. But it's only VANELLOPE VON SCHWEETZ, a 9-year-old girl, looking down from a branch above him)
Vanellope: Hello.
Ralph: Man, you scared me, kid. Ah, I nearly soiled myself.
Vanellope: What's your name?
Ralph: Uh... Ralph. Wreck-It Ralph.
Vanellope: You're not from here, are you?
Ralph: No, well, yeah. I mean, not from right in this area. I'm just doing some work here.
Vanellope: What kind of work?
(He continues climbing)
Ralph: Some routine candy tree trimming. You probably want to stand back. In fact, this whole area is technically closed while we're trimming.
Vanellope: Who's "we"?
Ralph: Candy tree department.
(He climbs higher)
Vanellope: Oh! Where is everybody else?
Ralph: Ah, it's just me today.
Vanellope: So you just meant like the royal "we"?
Ralph: Yep. That's right.
(Vanellope springs up to a branch by his face and hangs upside down)
Vanellope: Hey, are you a hobo?
Ralph: No. I'm not a hobo, but I am busy. Okay? So you go home.
Vanellope: What's that? Didn't hear you. Your breath is so bad it made my ears numb.
Ralph: Listen, I tried to be nice.
Vanellope: (MIMICKING) I tried to be nice.
Ralph: You're mimicking me.
Vanellope: You're mimicking me!
Ralph: Okay.
Vanellope: Okay.
Ralph: That is rude, and this conversation is over.
(He climbs on)
Vanellope: And this conversation is over. (watching him) Uh, I wouldn't grab that branch if I were you.
Ralph: I'm from the candy tree department, so I know what...
Vanellope: It's a double stripe.
(He grabs the branch. DING! SNAP. Ralph Falls)
Ralph: --WHOA!
(He barely manages to catch a lower branch with one hand)
Vanellope: Double stripes break. Guh-doy! Why are your hands so freakishly big?
Ralph: Uh, I don't know. Why are you so freakishly annoying?
Vanellope: Why are you so freakishly...
(Just then, she notices the glistening medal)
Vanellope: Sweet mother of monkey milk! A gold coin!
Ralph: Don't even think about it. That is mine.
Vanellope: Race you for it!
(Vanellope moves like a monkey up the branches. Ralph follows)
Ralph: Hey! I don't have to race for it because it's mine!
(Grabs a double stripe. DING! It BREAKS!)
Vanellope: Double stripe!
(Vanellope makes it to the top and grabs the medal)
Ralph: Come back here!
Vanellope: The winner!
Ralph: Give it back! Give it!
(Ralph grabs the branch she's on and flings her off. She drops the medal. He catches it. She dives for it, misses. Ralph lands on a double-stripe. DING!)
Vanellope: Double stripe.
(CRACK. He falls. The medal goes flying again)
Ralph: Aahhh! Nooooooo!
(He grabs the bottom branch and hangs inches above the BUBBLING taffy. Vanellope snags the medal)
Vanellope: Thank you!
(She hops off the tree to the ground, safely beyond the taffy)
Ralph: Wait! Let me talk to you for one second. Okay. Here's the thing. I'm not from the candy tree department.
Vanellope: Lying to a child. Shame on you, Ralph.
Ralph: But I wasn't lying about the medal. That is my medal! That's why I was climbing the tree. It's mine! It's precious to me.
(Vanellope polishes the medal, admiring it)
Ralph: That thing is my ticket to a better life.
Vanellope: Yeah, well, now it's my ticket.
(Vanellope glitches)
Ralph: What the...
Vanellope: See you, chump!
(She runs off)
Ralph: Come back! I'll find you! I will find you!
(Ralph hears a DING. He looks up. CRACK!)
Vanellope: (O.S.) Double stripe!
(Ralph falls into the gooey taffy pool! He bubbles up, looking like a taffy beast)
Ralph: Nowhere to hide!
(He disappears back beneath the sticky surface)
(INT. GAME CENTRAL STATION. Surge Protector shows Felix and Calhoun the damaged entrance to Sugar Rush)
Surge Protector: Yeah, he banged around in here like some kind of hot shot, then he went barreling down into that sweet little game like a crazy person.
(Calhoun studies the entrance to Sugar Rush)
Calhoun: "Sugar Rush." (a steely Clint Eastwood-esque squint) Cy-Bugs would chew up that game faster than a chicken hawk in a coop of crippled roosters.
Felix: (following close behind) What was that, now?
(She turns on him-- dead serious)
Calhoun: What are you, thick? There was a Cy-Bug on that shuttle! (off his confused look) Do you even know what a Cy-Bug is? I can't say that I do, ma'am. Cy-Bugs are like a virus. They don't know they're in a game. All they know is eat, kill, multiply. Without a beacon to stop them, they'll consume Sugar Rush. But do you think they'll stop there?
Felix: Yes!
Calhoun: Wrong! Viruses do not stop!
(She stands up straight and majestic and looks over Game Central to all the tunnels leading to so many games)
Calhoun: Once those Cy-Bugs finish off Sugar Rush, they'll invade every other game until this arcade
is nothing but a smoking husk of forgotten dreams. (resolute) Kohut! My cruiser.
(Kohut hands her what looks like a folded surf board. Calhoun heads down the steps to the tunnel)
Felix: (to Kohut) Jeepers. Is she always this intense?
Kohut: It's not her fault. She's programmed with the most tragic back-story ever. The one day she didn't do a perimeter check... Her wedding day.
(Calhoun stares down the dark tunnel)
(INT. CHURCH: Calhoun and an incredibly handsome soldier, BRAD, are about to exchange vows at the altar. Just then a giant cy-bug crashes through the stained-glass window and CHOMPS down on the groom. Calhoun pulls out her automatic weapons and starts shooting through RAGING WAILS)
(CALHOUN. She tries to shake it off. Felix hurries up to her in the tunnel)
Felix: Wait, ma'am! I'm going with you.
Calhoun: Like fun you are, short stack. If you die outside your game, you don't regenerate.
Felix: Well, neither do you, ma'am. And it is my job to fix what Ralph wrecks. And I cannot ask you to risk your life cleaning up his mess. No flex on this one, ma'am. I am coming along with you.
(She gives him a hard look, then scoots aside on her hover board, snaps, and points behind her on the board. He flips onto it. And off they go...)
(THE SUGAR RUSH RACE TRACK. The stands are full. Racers zip up to the starting line in their go-karts. Bright royal music plays)
SOUR BILL: Citizens of Sugar Rush...
(BENEATH THE STANDS: Vanellope sneaks up, pushing a tarp-covered kart. She peeks her head out, the Medal of Heroes clenched between her teeth)
Vanellope: Just in time.
Sour Bill: (flat, sad voice) ...all hail our rightful ruler, King Candy.
(Up in the tallest box, a curtain opens and KING CANDY -- with his Ed-Wynn-like mug and style -- jumps out)
King Candy: Hello, my royal subjects! Ha-ha! Have some candy!
(King Candy throws handfuls of candy into the crowd)
King Candy: Thank you for that stirring introduction, Sour Bill.
Sour Bill: Mmm-hmm.
King Candy: And thank you to today's avatars. It was a wonderful day of racing. It was. But now the arcade is closed, so it's time to wipe the slate clean and race to decide our new roster.
(Huge cheers!)
(ON THE TRACK: We scan across the racers standing proud in all their candy racing gear as King Candy explains the rules)
King Candy: The first nine racers across that finish line will represent Sugar Rush as tomorrow's avatars!
Crowd: (CHANTING) Race! Race! Race!
KING CANDY: Okay, calm down. Listen! This event is pay-to-play. We all know this. The fee to compete is one gold coin from your previous winnings, if you've ever won, which I have. Let me go first!
(King Candy pulls a lever and a rainbow sweeps across the starting line. King Candy throws his gold coin into the air. It's caught on a rainbow slide and swept into a giant pot. King Candy’s name appears on a CONTESTANT board)
ANNOUNCER: King Candy!
(King Candy leaps into the air with a flourish and poses. The crowd goes wild! The first racer, a strawberry-pink, go-getter, tosses up her coin. We follow it and watch it land in the pot, where it turns into game code and then disappears into an abyss)
ANNOUNCER: Taffyta Muttonfudge!
(Taffyta does her signature leap and pose in the air and gives the fans her catch-phrase)
Taffyta: Stay sweet!
(More kids throw in their coins as Vanellope pushes her covered kart to the starting line)
Announcer: Adorabeezle Winterpop. Gloyd Orangeboar!
(Vanellope scurries up to the back of the line)
Announcer: (V.O.) Crumbelina Di Caramello!
(ON RALPH. Ralph, covered in taffy, trudges his way towards the race track)
RALPH: Little stealer! Wait till I catch that brat.
(BACK AT THE TRACK: Racers continue throwing their coins into the pot)
ANNOUNCER: Minty Zaki. Snowanna Rainbeau. Rancis Fluggerbutter. Jubileena Bing-Bing. Swizzle Malarkey. Candlehead.
(It's Vanellope's turn. She kisses the medal and throws it. It's caught by the rainbow, rims around the pot before dropping in. The pot glitches. The medal swirls inside it, turns into game code, and disappears into the abyss)
King Candy: (covering the mic) Sour Bill, who's that last one?
(The board glitches and then a new racer appears on it: VANELLOPE VON SCHWEETZ. The crowd gasps in horror)
ANNOUNCER: Vanellope von Schweetz!
Vanellope: Yippee! I'm in the race!
King Candy: Vanellope?
(Taffyta rips the tarp off of Vanellope's kart, revealing a sad kart made from recycled junk with the name "Lickity Split" written on the side)
Taffyta: (GASPS) The Glitch!
(The crowd starts to panic)
KING CANDY: Now, now! (LAUGHS) Everything is all right! (panicking) Security!
(Two donut cops, WYNNCHEL and DUNCAN, come running in)
Duncan: Come here, kid!
Wynnchel: We're not going to hurt you, you little freak!
(Vanellope makes a break for it)
Wynnchel: Get back here!
Duncan: Slow down! Slow down a little bit.
(Just then a taffy-covered Ralph -- twigs and candy stuck to him -- comes barrelling onto the track, looking like a creature from the taffy lagoon)
Ralph: (pointing at her) You! Give me back my medal right now!
Vanellope: Ah, boy!
King Candy: What is that?
WYNNCHEL: Come on! Go! Roll!
(Ralph chases Vanellope)
Ralph: Get back here.
(Vanellope slips under a spectator's box. Ralph lifts up the box, revealing her)
Ralph: Nowhere to hide!
Vanellope: Whoa!
(She scurries back under the next box)
(Ralph follows her, tipping box after box. Spectators scatter)
Ralph: Get out of my way!
King Candy: Careful! What are you doing?
(Vanellope runs out from under then stands. Ralph follows. He slams into a giant cupcake, water tower. It tips)
Ralph: (looking up) Huh?
(The giant cupcake falls onto him. His taffy-covered head pops out the top. He tips over)
Ralph: I can't move!
Wynnchel: Now we got him!
(The donut cops rush up to a helpless Ralph -- who points to where Vanellope went and mumble-yells)
Ralph: Oh, good, the cops. She went that way!
(They ignore him and knock him with their batons)
Duncan: Hold still!
Wynnchel: Take that!
Ralph: Ow! What are you doing?
King Candy: Okay, folks. (STAMMERS) Calm down! Everything's all right. The monster's been caught! We'll repair all the damage. Don't worry. We will have our race before the arcade opens.
Vanellope: And I'm in it. Yes!
(Vanellope hops into her kart and pedals off)
Taffyta: (to the other racers) There's no way that I am racing with a glitch. Rancis, Candlehead, come on.
(She and the racers hop in their cars and drive off)
King Candy: Sour Bill, that glitch cannot be allowed to race! (point down to Ralph) And bring that thing to my castle.
(Wynnchel switches to using a taser on Ralph)
Ralph: Guys! She took... Aaaahhhhhh!!!
(EXT. KING'S CANDY CASTLE. OREO GUARDS march and chant outside a grand candy palace)
Oreo Guards: (chanting) O-re-o. O-ree-o. O-re-o. O-ree-o.
(INT. KING'S CANDY CASTLE. The donut police roll the Ralph cupcake/taffy ball into a frilly throne room. King Candy drives his kart right into the room and backs it into his THRONE parking spot)
King Candy: Sour Bill, de-taffify this monster so we can see what we're up against here.
Sour Bill: Mm-kay.
(Sour Bill pulls off a giant glob of taffy, exposing Ralph's face and head)
Ralph: (SCREAMS)
King Candy: Milk my duds! It's Wreck-It Ralph?
Ralph: (getting his bearings) Yeah. Who are you, the guy that makes the donuts?
King Candy: (LAUGHS) Please. No. I'm King Candy!
Ralph: I see you're a fan of pink.
King Candy: Salmon. Salmon, that's obviously... What are you doing here?
Ralph: Look, Your Candiness, this is just a big misunderstanding. Just get me out of this cupcake, I'll get my medal, and I'll be out of your way.
King Candy: Your medal? (LAUGHS) Bad guys don't win medals.
Ralph: Well, this one did. I earned it over in Hero's Duty.
King Candy: You game-jumped? Ralph, you're not going Turbo, are you?
Ralph: What? No, no.
King Candy: Because if you think you can come in here to my kingdom and take over my game, you've got another thing coming!
Ralph: Easy, Your Puffiness. It's not my fault one of your children of the candy corn stole my medal.
King Candy: "Children of the candy corn"? Who'd... (realizing, GASP) The Glitch! The coin she used to buy her way into the race. That was your medal?
Ralph: She did what? I need that back!
King Candy: Well, I'm afraid I can't help you. It's gone, you know. It's nothing but code now. It will stay that way until someone wins the cup at the end of the race.
Ralph: Maybe I'll have to have a little talk with the winner then.
King Candy: Is that a threat I smell? Beyond the halitosis you so obviously suffer from.
Ralph: Listen, Nilly-Wafer, I'm not leaving without my medal!
King Candy: Yes, you are. Wynnchel, Duncan, get him out of that cupcake and on the first train back home. If I ever see you here again, Wreck-It Ralph, I'll lock you in my fungeon.
Ralph: Fungeon?
King Candy: Fun dungeon, you know? It's a play on words. (CHUCKLES) It's the... Never mind! I've got a glitch to deal with, thanks to you. Goodbye, Wreck-it Ralph! It hasn't been a pleasure.
(King Candy hops into his kart and drives out of the room)
(Wynnchel knocks on the cupcake)
Duncan: This thing is hard as a rock.
Wynnchel: I can see that. Get the tools.
Ralph: What tools?
(Wynnchel hits Ralph with the baton)
Wynnchel: Quiet, you!
(Duncan goes over to a chest, pulls out a chain-saw, and revs it up)
Ralph: What? No!
Wynnchel: Take it easy, big boy!
Ralph: Stay away from me!
(Ralph flails. He rolls back onto his feet and starts hobbling towards the door)
Duncan: He's getting away!
(The Oreo guards block his way, shouting "Oreo." He turns and eyes two giant windows)
(OUTSIDE THE DOUBLE CASTLE WINDOWS. Ralph and the cupcake burst through the wall and fall)
(BACK INSIDE THE CASTLE. Wynnchel and Duncan run to the window. They look down and see the smashed cupcake on the ground and Ralph running away)
Wynnchel: Quick! Call out the Devil Dogs.
(EXT. LOLLISTIX FOREST - A SHORT WHILE LATER. DEVIL DOGS on leashes bound through the trees and down the ravine. They stop by a chocolate stream. They lose the scent and run off down river)
(A pixie stick, poking out of the stream, moves. Ralph breaks the surface)
Ralph: Chocolate. I hate chocolate! (scrambling to the shore) I got to get my medal back.
(He hears the ROAR of engines. Sees a bunch of racers speed by on nearby road)
Ralph: The pot goes to the winning racer!
(He runs after them)
Ralph: Hey, kids! Can I talk to you for a second?
(He just misses them, as they disappear around the bend and approach Vanellope, who is working on her handmade kart. It's up on a jacks)
(The racers sweep in and surround her. She pushes away any evidence of fear and stands tall to meet them)
Vanellope: Hello, fellow racers!
(Ralph peeks over the hill)
Ralph: It's that little crumb snatcher.
Vanellope: Candlehead, Taffyta, Rancis, you're looking well. Came by to check out the competition, huh? Well, here it is, the Lickety-Split!
(ON RALPH. unimpressed)
Ralph: Sheesh. Looks like she built it herself.
(BACK ON THE KIDS: Taffyta gets out of her Vanellope)
Vanellope: I built it myself. Fastest pedal-power west of the Whac-A-Mole. Check her out.
(Vanellope hops in her kart and starts pedalling. The gears catch and spin)
Taffyta: Oh, Vanellope, it's so... You. (CHUCKLING SMUGLY) But you have to back out of the race. Yeah.
(Vanellope gets out of her kart and approaches Taffyta)
Vanellope: Oh, no, I don't, because I paid my fee and I'm on the board... So, yeah, I'm definitely racing.
Taffyta: Yeah, well, King Candy says glitches can't race.
Vanellope: I'm not a glitch, Taffyta. (she glitches) I've just got pixslexia, okay?
(Ignoring her, Taffyta walks over to Vanellope's kart)
Taffyta: The rules are there for a reason, Vanellope. To protect us. (getting in Vanellope's kart) Say I'm you. I'm in my weird little car and I'm driving and I actually feel kind of cool for once. And then, all of a sudden, oh, no. I'm (STAMMERING) glitching!
(Taffyta shudders and then rips the steering wheel right off)
Vanellope: (GASPS) Hey!
Taffyta: See? You're an accident just waiting to happen.
Jubileena: Oh, no! I (STAMMERS) glitched, too!
(Jubileena goes over to the kart, flails and crashes into it, ripping off the brake. Vanellope rushes over to her kart, but other racers get in her way and block her)
(ON RALPH. Disturbed by what he's seeing)
Ralph: Uncool.
(BACK ON THE KIDS: The other racers tear apart the kart)
Various Racers: Oh no, I glitched. I glitched. Look out, I’m glitching.
Vanellope: Stop it! Stop! You're breaking it! Please!
(Vanellope grabs Taffyta and spins her around to face her)
Vanellope: I just want to race like you guys.
Taffyta: You will never be a racer because you're a glitch. And that's all you'll ever be!
(Taffyta pushes Vanellope, who goes flying back, and lands SPLAT in the mud)
(ON RALPH. That's the last straw; he jumps up)
Ralph: Hey! Leave her alone!
(He runs down the hill, flails his arms, and throws mud at the kids. They SCREAM in terror)
Ralph: Scram, you rotten little cavities! Before I throw you in the mud!
(The racers drive off. Ralph puffs up. He turns to Vanellope. She wipes away tears, while sifting through the wreckage of her kart)
Vanellope: What are you looking at?
Ralph: You're welcome, you rotten little thief.
Vanellope: I'm not a thief! I just borrowed your stupid coin. I was going to give it back to you as soon as I won the race.
Ralph: It's not a coin. It is a medal.
Vanellope: Coin, medal, whatever. Just go back to your own dumb game and win another one.
Ralph: I can't. I didn't win it in my game. I won it in Hero's Duty.
Vanellope: Hero's Doodie? (SNIGGERS)
Ralph: It's not that kind of duty.
Vanellope: I bet you really got to watch where you step in a game called Hero's Doodie! (LAUGHING) What did you win the medal for, wiping? I hope you washed your hands after you handled that medal.
Ralph: Listen!
Vanellope: One more, one more. Why did the hero flush the toilet? Say "why."
Ralph: Why?
Vanellope: Because it was his doodie!
Ralph: How dare you insult Hero's Duty? You little guttersnipe! I earned that medal and you better get it back for me toot-sweet, sister!
Vanellope: Well, unless you've got a go-cart hidden in the fat folds of your neck, I can't help you!
(Ralph makes like he wants to crush her, but forces himself to smash a nearby candy tree instead. He then punches a giant jawbreaker. It doesn't so much as crack. He tries again. Nothing. Incensed, he pounds on it-- temper-tantrum style)
Vanellope: What a moron. (calling to Ralph) Hey, genius! It's a jawbreaker. You're never going to break... (as he breaks it)
(That gives her an idea)
Vanellope: Huh.
(Ralph plops down on a rock, out of breath. Vanellope comes over and leans against a nearby jawbreaker)
Vanellope: Enjoy your little tantrum, diaper baby?
Ralph: Leave me alone.
Vanellope: Look, you want that medal, right? And I want to race. So here's what I'm thinking. You help me get a new cart... A real cart... And I'll win the race and get you back your medal.
Ralph: You want me to help you?
Vanellope: All you got to do is break something for me. Come on. What do you say, friend?
(She holds out a hand. He doesn't take it right away)
Ralph: We are not friends.
Vanellope: Oh, come on, pal. You son of a gun. Come on, buddy. Let's shake on it. Ah. Come on, chumbo. Ralph, my man. My main man. Hey! My arm's getting tired. Do we have a deal or not?
Ralph: (GRUNTS) You better win.
(He takes her little hand, and they shake on it)
(EXT. SUGAR RUSH, CRUISER, FLYING - DAY. Felix and Calhoun get a bird's eye view of Ralph's wreckage)
Calhoun: Well, I'll say this much, they don't call your friend "Wreck-It" for nothing. There's the shuttle.
(She lands the cruiser)
(EXT. SUGAR RUSH, THE BROKEN SHIP. Calhoun does a military run up to the ship, gun raised. She circles it, checks the cockpit)
(Felix approaches cautiously)
Felix: Is he in there?
Calhoun: Nope. Lucky for him. Otherwise I would have slapped his corpse. No Cy-Bug, either.
(She pulls out her tri-quarter bug sensor and starts scanning)
Calhoun: Got to find it before it lays its filthy eggs.
(EXT. CANDY CANE FOREST, TAFFY PIT. Calhoun and Felix pass the pit. She's getting a faint signal on the sensor. It scrambles. She smacks it. It scrambles more)
Calhoun: It came this way, but the sugar particles in the atmosphere are jamming my sensor. Can't get a read on it.
(They walk on)
Calhoun: So what is it with this Wreck-It joker, huh? Why did he go AWOL?
Felix: I wish I knew, ma'am. He was acting all squirrelly last night... Going on about cake and medals... (distraught) But I never thought he'd go Turbo.
Calhoun: "Go Turbo"?
Felix: That's right, you guys just got plugged in. Well, back when the arcade first opened...
(INT. LITWAK'S ARCADE, EARLY 80S - FLASHBACK. Simpler days. 80s music. 80s kids play classic games -- FFJ, PAC MAN, and an 8-bit racing game called TURBO TIME. We meet TURBO -- basically a giant smiley face in a generic car, racing on a generic road)
Felix: (V.O.) Turbo Time was by far the most popular game. And Turbo...
(Turbo crosses the finish line and gives us a giant thumbs-up)
Turbo: Turbo-tastic!
Felix: (V.O.) He loved the attention.
Turbo: Turbo-tastic!
(Turbo takes the first-place spot on a podium. He blocks the second-place racer down with a wave of his trophy and blocks the third-place racer from view with his Turbo thumbs-up)
Felix: (V.O.) So, when RoadBlasters got plugged in and stole Turbo's thunder...
Player: New game. All right!
Felix: (V.O.) Boy, was he jealous.
(RoadBlasters is wheeled in. Kids abandon Turbo Time to play it. TURBO is left mid-game. He stops and looks across the arcade to Pole Position. His big smile turns to a frown)
Felix: (V.O.) So jealous that he abandoned his game...
(POWER STRIP: We watch the little Turbo dots cross the power cord from his game to RoadBlasters)
Felix: (V.O.) And tried to take over the new one.
(ROADBLASTERS — SHORT TIME LATER. A frustrated kid tries to play RoadBlasters)
PLAYER 1: These are the greatest graphics I've ever seen!
Turbo: Turbo-tastic!
(The screen is in chaos -- an 8-bit Turbo glitches all over the track, causing the kid to crash his car)
PLAYER 2: Hey. Is that... That looks like Turbo.
PLAYER 1: What's Turbo doing in this game? (crashing) Aw, come on!
PLAYER 2: Mr. Litwak!
FELIX: Turbo ended up putting both games and himself out of order, for good.
(A WORKER wheels out both Turbo Time and Pole Position)
(BACK ON CALHOUN AND FELIX. Calhoun shakes her head)
Calhoun: Yes, the selfish man is like a mangy dog chasing a cautionary tale.
(They step onto a fallen peppermint tree acting as a bridge over a ravine)
Felix: I know, right? That's why I have to get Ralph home or the same thing's gonna happen to my game.
(DING! DING! The entire tree is double stripe. It blinks)
Felix: Huh?
(The tree disappears. They fall into a pit of chocolate powder)
Calhoun: What is this?
(A sign reads: NESQUIK SAND)
Calhoun: "Nesquik Sand"?
(They start sinking. Felix panics)
Felix: Quicksand? Oh, I'll hop out and grab you one of those vines.
(Calhoun stands calm, sizing up the situation. Felix flails as he tries to hop out of the sand. But his usual "boing" is more like a "bllllrgh" as the sand swallows him)
Felix: I can't hop. I'm hop-less. This is hopeless! We're going to drown here.
Calhoun: Stop thrashing. Stop moving. You're making us sink faster.
Felix: We're going to die!
(He's still panicking. Calhoun slaps him in the face)
Calhoun: Get ahold of yourself!
(He looks at her, shocked. Suddenly they hear GIGGLING. They look up to see Laffy Taffy vines hanging from a tree. As the vines giggle, they stretch and lower towards them)
FELIX: The vines. They're Laffy Taffy. They're attracted to whatever makes them laugh. Here, hit me again.
(She smacks him, lightly. The taffy vines retreat, disappointed)
Felix: That's not funny enough. Harder!
(She hesitates)
Calhoun: Look, you're a nice guy. I can't...
Felix: (unusually forceful) No, ma'am! The arcade is depending on us. Now do your duty. That's an ord...
(She full on belts him. The taffy howls with laughter. He's got a huge back eye)
Felix: It's working! Hit me again.
Calhoun: Ooh, your eye.
Felix: I can fix it.
(He hits his eye with the hammer. His black eye goes away)
Felix: Now... Oh! San Fran-tastic!
(WHAP! The vines howl. Felix smiles at her. He's got teeth missing. He hammers his teeth. BLING! His teeth reappear)
Felix: Again! Ow! You mean business! Ow! Yikes on bikes!
(She hits. BLING. He fixes his face. She hits. BLING. He fixes his face. She hits. Bling. He fixes)
Felix: Wow! We're... killing... them!
(Finally, the vines are within reach. He grabs hold, then pulls her into his arms)
Felix: Hold on tight, my lady.
(The vine sweeps them up and out of the quicksand. The world slows down. Music swells. Calhoun looks up at Felix. For some reason he looks strong-jawed and heroic. He smiles down on her. Man, she's beautiful. There's a real chemistry between them. They arrive on the tree branch)
(Calhoun notices that the Laffy Taffy are singing in a Disney-esque choir and have formed a heart shape around them. She pulls out her gun and shoots at the vines)
Calhoun: All right, enough with the goo-goo eyes. We've got work to do. Let's go.
(She looks at the sensor, all business)
Calhoun: (climbing out of the tree) Ugh. We lost the Cy-Bug. Come on. We'll get a better view from the air. You think you can fix that shuttle?
Felix: Can do.
(He follows back her towards the shuttle)
(Down below the tree, unbeknownst to them, something has burrowed into the ground. We recognize the sounds of a cy-bug coming from the hole it made)
(We see a Cy Bug emerge from the hole. It eats a candy cane and becomes striped)
(EXT. GO-KART BAKERY. An impressive facility shaped like a giant cake. Birthday candle chimneys line the top. Ralph and Vanellope sneak past a guard's booth with BEARD PAPA snoozing inside of it)
(EXT. BAKERY WALL — MOMENTS LATER. They slink up to a giant door with a hefty dead-bolt on it. Vanellope's face is painted huge on the door with a circle- slash through it and the words: "No Glitches Allowed!")
Vanellope: All right, do your thing, knuckles. Bust it open!
Ralph: What's this? You're a full-on criminal, aren't you?
Vanellope: Hey, we shook on it.
(INT. KART BAKERY. Ralph's fist busts through the door, destroying it)
Vanellope: Thank you, Jeeves.
(Vanellope runs in. It's dark. There’s nothing but a start button)
Ralph: What is this place? Where are the carts?
(She hits the START BUTTON. A screen lights up. It reads: CHOOSE YOUR KART. There are a bunch of cool candy karts to choose from)
Vanellope: You gotta make one.
Ralph: What? No, no. Look, kid, bad idea. Trust me. I don't make things. I break things.
Vanellope: Well, it looks like you're going to be stepping outside your comfort zone, then, Gladys. (seeing a kart she likes) Ooh, this is a good one!
(She presses the "choose" button. Suddenly the entire place lights up. There are levers and pulleys and bins)
ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the bakery! Let's bake a kart!
RALPH: What is this, another game?
VANELLOPE: Yeah, well, it's a mini-game.
Announcer: You have one minute to win it.
Ralph: What?
Vanellope: Come on, Ralph!
Announcer: Go!
(Oversized numbers fly through air from the background to the foreground)
(Vanellope runs over to giant steering wheel. Before her: two shoots, a balancing platform, a bowl, and a trash can)
Announcer: Mixing.
(The word "MIXING" flies through the air and knocks Ralph on the head)
Announcer: Put the ingredients in the bowl and throw away the trash.
(Vanellope hangs on the wheel to steer it. Egg come out of the shoot and onto the platform. She steers the wheel. The platform tilts to drop the eggs in the batter bowl)
(Other objects come out of the shoots like boots, soccer balls, underpants, and hairbrushes)
(A recipe card keeps score. Vanellope's having trouble with the steering and is missing the ingredients)
Ralph: Hairbrush. No! Underpants. No, no! (frustrated) You're getting all the wrong stuff, kid.
Vanellope: I'm trying!
(The clock reads: 45 seconds)
Ralph: Let me up there. I'll do it.
(He jumps up on the platform, catches all the ingredients, throws the good ones into the bowl and the bad ones all over the floor)
Ralph: No. Yes. Gross. Milk. Yes, yes, yes.
(The flour hits him. He falls into the batter. The beaters comes down and mix the batter, Ralph and all)
ANNOUNCER: Batter up!
(The batter and Ralph dump into a mold. Ralph crawls out of the batter just before it goes into the oven)
VANELLOPE: Come on! No sleeping on the job!
Announcer: Baking!
(Ralph gets up, stumbles around, dizzy. The word "BAKING" flies through the air and clocks him. UMPH)
Announcer: Pump up the heat and hold the perfect temperature.
(Vanellope runs over and jumps on the bellows. She can't get it hot enough)
Vanellope: Ralph, a little help here?
Ralph: I'm on it.
(Ralph jumps on it. He completely breaks the bellows)
Vanellope: Ralph!
Ralph: Yeah, no problem. Give me this thing here.
(Ralph grabs the hose and blows into it himself. The mercury rises)
VANELLOPE: Okay, good. Little more. Yeah, that's it! Hold it, hold it, hold it.
(His cheeks are bulging. He turns red...then purple...then blue)
(DING! Vanellope cheers. Ralph collapses)
Vanellope: Yes! Come on. Get up, Ralph! Fifteen seconds!
(The door opens. The kart slides onto a conveyor belt)
ANNOUNCER: Decorating!
(Ralph manages to duck under the "DECORATING" word)
(The conveyor belt goes under a bunch of candy dispensers filled with everything from wheels to jimmies. They must launch eggs off of a spatula aimed at targets on the respective bins)
Vanellope: Wheels first.
Ralph: How many?
Vanellope: Four, doy!
Ralph: Got it.
(Ralph hits the spatula four times hard. Four eggs launch, hit the target and four wheels pop out of the bin)
Vanellope: Now frosting. A buttload of frosting!
Ralph: No problem.
(He hits the spatula several times. Several eggs go flying and smash the entire bin, which dumps all of its frosting onto the kart)
(Then the entire bin tips, knocks the next bin. The bins collapse like dominoes and dump all the ingredients down on the kart)
Ralph: Uh oh.
(The final buzzer sounds)
(The kart drops down a ramp into a fancy garage)
ANNOUNCER: Time's up!
(They run to the garage door, on which there’s a beautiful image of a perfect kart. The garage door opens, revealing their abomination beneath it)
Announcer: Congratulations. You did it, and here's your cart!
(Vanellope stares wide-eyed at the kart)
Ralph: Aye yi yi. Look, kid... I tried to warn you. I can't make things. I just break...
Vanellope: I love it.
Ralph: You do?
Vanellope: I love it. I love it! I love it! I love it! Look, it's got a real engine! And look at these wheels. (kissing the wheels) (KISSING) I love it! I finally have a real cart!
(She hugs the kart. Ralph grins, pleased)
(Vanellope then grabs two small pastry bags)
Vanellope: Come on. A work of art like this must be signed.
(BACK OUTSIDE: Beard Papa wakes with a start)
(He sees Vanellope on the security camera. Beard Papa GASPS. He grabs his Red emergency phone)
Beard Papa: This is Beard Papa. The Glitch is in the bakery! Get me King Candy!
(BACK INSIDE THE BAKERY: Ralph and Vanellope finish putting their names on the kart and stand back to admire their work. Ralph's smiling like a sap-- the first we’ve seen him smile)
Vanellope: Oh, what? You have teeth? I don't think I've ever seen you smile before.
Ralph: I'm not smiling. I was... I'm gassy, okay?
(They start to crack up, when:)
King Candy: (O.S.) Hold it right there, Glitch!
(King Candy, Wynnchel, and Duncan drive in. King Candy sees Ralph and GASPS in shock!)
King Candy: (seeing Ralph) And Wreck-It Ralph?
Ralph: Uh-oh.
(Ralph aims the pastry bag at King Candy and the donuts and sprays them in the face, temporarily blinding them)
Ralph: Start the cart!
(Ralph throws Vanellope in the driver's seat of her kart and hops on the back)
Ralph: Start the cart!
(She fiddles with the buttons and knobs but nothing happens)
Ralph: What are you waiting for? Come on. Let's go!
Vanellope: I don't know how to drive a real cart.
Ralph: You don't what?
(Duncan looks at King Candy, concerned)
Duncan: Are you hurt, Sire?
King Candy: No, he just glazed me. Get them!
(Ralph pushes off the floor with his hands. The kart takes off)
Ralph: Gangway!
(EXT. BAKERY — CONTINUOUS. Ralph and Vanellope burst right through the wall. Ralph hand-pedals the ground faster. They catch a downhill and pick up speed. King Candy and the donuts are hot on their trail)
King Candy: Stop, in the name of the king! That's me!
Vanellope: Get off the road!
(Ralph digs into the ground and takes a tight turn. The CLAW swat truck over-shoots and goes tumbling)
Vanellope: Head for Diet Cola Mountain!
(They take a fork in the road)
Vanellope: Drive into the wall!
Ralph: What?
Vanellope: Right there, between the two sugar-free lollipops!
Ralph: Are you crazy?
Vanellope: Just do it!
(Ralph aims the kart at the mountain head on! And just as we brace for impact, Ralph, Vanellope, and the kart hit the mountain wall, pixelate, and disappear)
(INT. DIET COLA MOUNTAIN - CONTINUOUS. Ralph and Vanellope come sweeping into a Dali-esque world of half-built game props. They CRASH. The kart ends up vertical against a rock, front wheels spinning)
(EXT. DIET COLA MOUNTAIN - CONTINUOUS. King Candy and the donut police screech to a halt. King Candy removes his goggles and looks around)
King Candy: Where did they go? They should have just turned. Find that glitch! Destroy that cart! She can't be allowed to race!
(Wynnchel and Duncan drive off. King Candy wipes his sweaty brow, upset)
(INT. DIET COLA MOUNTAIN. Ralph picks himself up and lays into Vanellope)
Ralph: So let me get this straight. You don't know how to drive.
Vanellope: Well, no, not technically. I just thought that...
(Ralph gets to his feet)
Ralph: What did you think? (mocking voice) "Oh, I'll just magically win the race just because I really want to!"
(She grabs the steering wheel, eager)
Vanellope: Look, wise guy. I know I'm a racer. I can feel it in my code.
Ralph: That's it! I'm never getting my medal back.
(Vanellope jumps up and tries to push the kart off the rock. It doesn't budge)
Vanellope: What is the big whoop about that crummy medal anyway?
Ralph: The big whoop? Well, this may come as a shock to you, but in my game, I'm the bad guy and I live in the garbage.
Vanellope: Cool.
Ralph: No. Not cool. Unhygienic and lonely and boring. And that crummy medal was going to change all that. I go home with that baby around my neck and I'll get a penthouse. Pies. Ice sculptures. Fireworks! (off her blank stare) (GRUNTS) It's grown-up stuff. You wouldn't understand.
Vanellope: No, I get it! That's exactly what racing would do for me!
(She goes back to trying to push the kart off the rock)
Ralph: Well, guess what?
Vanellope: What?
Ralph: News flash! Neither one of us is getting what we want!
(Ralph stomps his foot. BOOM! Something explodes nearby)
Ralph: What was that?
(Ralph follows the sound)
(He comes to a room with a bubbling pool. He reads the signs)
Ralph: (reading) "Diet Cola Hot Springs. Watch out for falling Mentos."
Vanellope: Yeah! Check it out. Look!
(Vanellope throws a rock at the stalactite. Hits it. A piece of Mentos falls into the pool. BOOM! A giant broiling geyser shoots up into the air)
Vanellope: You got to watch out for the splash. That stuff is broiling hot.
RALPH: Yeah, I got that. Thank you. What is this dump?
Vanellope: I think it's some sort of unfinished bonus level. Yeah. It's pretty cool, huh? I found that secret opening, and now I live here. See? Oh, look, look, look.
(She runs over to a crudely fashioned lean-to above a bed of candy-wrappers)
Vanellope: Welcome to my home! I sleep in these candy wrappers. I bundle myself up like a little homeless lady.
(Suddenly, it occurs to Ralph: their plights are the same)
Ralph: By yourself? With all this garbage around you?
Vanellope: Well, yeah. I mean, everyone here says I'm just a mistake and that I wasn't even supposed to exist. What do you expect?
Ralph: Listen, kid... I know it's none of my business but why do you even stick around this game?
Vanellope: You really don't know anything, do you? Glitches can't leave their games. It's one of the joys of being me.
(Ralph looks around at her sad life. He gets a thought. He raises his giant fist and starts pounding the twisted, nonsense architecture)
Vanellope: Hey, what are you doing? Come on! I know it's a dump, but it's all I got.
Ralph: (still pounding) If you're going to be a racer, you're going to have to learn how to drive. And you can't do that without a track.
(REVEAL: He's made a beginner's track around the hot springs)
Vanellope: Whoa!
(Ralph picks up the kart and puts it on the track)
Ralph: All right, now. Let's hustle up. We've got some driving to do.
(Vanellope runs in a circle around Ralph and the kart, cheering)
Vanellope: I'm going to learn to drive! I'm going to learn to drive! Oh, wait. Do you know how to drive?
Ralph: Yeah! I mean, I haven't done it, but... Look, I flew a spaceship today, okay?
Vanellope: You crashed it.
Ralph: Just get in. How hard can it be? Okay, uh... Start it up.
(Vanellope starts it up and revs the engine)
Ralph: There you go. Okay, now--
Vanellope: There's so much stuff in here!
Ralph: Don't start touching anything yet.
(Vanellope touches everything. She turns on the lights)
Vanellope: What's this?
Ralph: Them's the lights.
Vanellope: And what's this?
(She hits the horn, holds)
Ralph: That's the horn. Yeah, that’s still the horn.
Vanellope: I like the horn.
Ralph: Listen, we got work to do!
Vanellope: Okay!
(She stops, focuses on him. He points to the pedals)
Ralph: There we go. So there are some buttons on the floor.
Vanellope: Pedals.
Ralph: Pedals. Right. Now, uh, that's the go pedal. That I believe is the stopper. And this... Wait. What is this? (pressing the clutch) That doesn't do anything.
(He picks up the kart, looks closely at the pedals, and starts playing with them)
Vanellope: Ooh, what does this joystick do?
(She pushes the gear shift. The kart jumps forward, dragging Ralph with it. He lands flat on his face)
Ralph: AAOOWW!
(Vanellope stalls. Ralph lifts his head up)
Ralph: Okay, good. Let's try that again.
(RALPH. standing in front of her. She zips forward and slams into Ralph.
Ralph: Ow!
(RALPH. standing behind her. She grinds the gears, flies in reverse, slams into him. He cries out. She slams into him again)
(RALPH. hiding behind a rock. Vanellope bucks forward, hits a tree. The tree falls, lands on Ralph's head)
(VANELLOPE. steering through an obstacle course. CUT to reveal Ralph is pushing the kart from behind, guiding her around the rocks)
(RALPH. motion-steering as Vanellope watches. She turns the wheel and slams into a rock. Spitting out a tooth, she gives a "thumbs up.")
(VANELLOPE. driving in first gear. She lifts her foot off the clutch slowly and moves forward smoothly)
Ralph: Now shift it.
(She shifts again)
Vanellope: Oh, I am.
Ralph: Okay. Shift it again.
(She makes it around the track. Shifts perfectly)
Vanellope: I told you, racing's in my code!
(She drives faster...and faster)
Ralph: I got that medal in the bag!
Vanellope: Hey, Ralphie, watch this!
(She jumps the track then drives right up a steep, natural ramp. She jumps a part of broken track. Lands perfectly)
(She makes another jump. Perfect. She then aims for a giant jump...takes flight and....GLITCH!)
(Her kart glitches about in the air, out of control. She's headed right for the stalactite. She SCREAMS!)
Ralph: Look out!
(She ducks, but her spoiler hits the Mentos. She glitches again and crash lands on the track on the other side)
(Giant chunks of Mentos fall into the hot springs. Geysers shoot up. Ralph jumps out of the way of the boiling cola falling around him)
(Vanellope keeps spins out of control. She skids to a stop. She looks spooked, but then she shakes it off)
Vanellope: So how did I do?
Ralph: Um... Well, you almost blew up the whole mountain.
Vanellope: Right, right. That's a good note.
Ralph: You got to get that glitch under control, kid.
Vanellope: Okay, I will, I will. And then you think I got a chance?
(He contemplates)
Ralph: Um... Tiny.
(She jumps up and around Ralph shouting--)
Vanellope: Yes, I'm going to win! I'm going to win! I'm going to win!
Ralph: (giving in to her enthusiasm) Top shelf.
Vanellope: Top shelf.
(They fist bump)
(INT. KING CANDY'S CASTLE. King Candy paces in front of his kart throne. Sour Bill follows, waving him with a fan lollipop)
(The castle doors open. Wynnchel and Duncan approach)
King Candy: (urgent) Did you find her? Tell me you found her.
(The donut cops shake their heads, no, solemnly)
King Candy: You didn't? (LAUGHS HOPELESSLY) Go. Leave me.
(The donuts leave)
(King Candy thinks, gets an idea, then storms off through the door by his throne. Sour Bill hurries after him)
(INT. "UNDERGROUND" CHAMBER. An elevator door opens and King Candy and Sour Bill step out and walk along what looks like the insides of a wire)
(King Candy approaches a large door, upon which rests a game controller. He types in a cheat code)
King Candy: Up, up, down, down... (MUMBLING) Start!
(The door swings open)
(King Candy steps through it)
(INT. THE GAME'S CODE. For the code savvy, it's clearly a node graph. To the rest of us it looks like an electric spider web of glowing threads connecting an endless number of vault-like boxes)
King Candy: Oh, the code. It's the sweet lifeblood of the game.
(The boxes are labelled with icons and text, saying everything from: "GOBSTOPPER VALLEY" and "CHOCOLATE RIVER" to "TAFFYTA MUTTONFUDGE" and "SOUR BILL.")
(The physics are different here, and so King Candy floats as if in zero gravity. He drifts amongst the web, cautiously)
King Candy: Where are you? Let's see... Stadium, no. Jumbotron. Ha-ha! There it is. The winner's cup.
(He double-clicks the box labeled "WINNER'S CUP." The box opens. Inside floats a bunch of smaller boxes labeled "Coin," interconnected with threads. Amongst the boxes, one stands out. Its label says, "MEDAL.")
King Candy: One of these things is not like the others... It's you! We're going to give you a nice new home.
(King Candy slides the Medal box out of the Winner's Box and along the network of threads. He arrives in front of a very special box, connected with the most number of threads. It's labeled, "KING CANDY." He double clicks it. It opens and he slides the "Medal" box inside)
(A string of ones and zeros gathers around his neck, then solidifies into The Medal of Heroes)
King Candy: Success!
(He floats back towards the door)
King Candy: Sour Bill, I'm going out. You're in charge of the castle until I get back.
(On his way he passes by a box that is off alone, with no threads attached. It glitches. Its label says: "VANELLOPE VON SCHWEETZ.")
(INT./EXT. SPACE POD. The cy-bug sensor is locked on the dash, scanning. There are no bugs detected)
(Calhoun pilots. Felix stares at her, blushing-- unapologetically smitten)
Calhoun: Your face is still red. You might want to hit it again with your hammer.
Felix: Oh, that's not blunt force trauma, ma'am. That's just the honey glow in my cheeks.
Calhoun: Okay.
Felix: Ma'am, I just got to tell you... You are one dynamite gal.
(Calhoun reacts)
(FLASHBACK: Calhoun at the gun range, letting out a round. BRAD in the cubicle next to her, turns, impressed)
Brad: Wow, you are one dynamite gal.
(FLASHBACK: Calhoun and Brad, sharing a Sunday)
Brad: One dynamite gal.
(FLASHBACK: Calhoun and Brad having a flowery picnic)
Brad: Dynamite gal.
(FLASHBACK: Brad on one knee proposing)
Brad: Dynamite gal.
(FLASHBACK: Calhoun and Brad's wedding)
Brad: Dynamite...
(The glass shatters as the bug bursts in)
(INT. SHIP — DAY, BACK TO PRESENT. Calhoun snaps back to reality, upset, almost livid. She banks the ship hard to the right. Felix goes tumbling)
(She lands the ship in the woods by the castle)
Calhoun: Get out.
Felix: All I said is you're a dynamite gal.
Calhoun: I said get out!
(He climbs out. Turns to say something else, but the glass comes down immediately and the ship lifts off)
Felix: (distraught) Oh. Jiminey jaminey.
(He lumbers off towards the castle)
(EXT. KING CANDY'S CASTLE DOOR — SHORT TIME LATER. Felix knocks on the castle door. Sour Bill opens the door)
Sour Bill: Yes?
Felix: Oh. I'm Fix-It Felix Jr., sir, from the game Fix-It Felix Jr. Have you seen my friend Ralph?
Sour Bill: Wreck-It Ralph?
Felix: Yes. Yes, that's him!
Sour Bill: We should have locked him up when we had the chance.
Felix: Locked him up?
Sour Bill: I'm not making the same mistake with you.
(Sour Bill grabs a handle and pulls. A trap door opens and Felix falls in)
Felix: (falling) Oh, my land!
(EXT. DIET SODA MOUNTAIN. Vanellope comes running out of the secret door. Ralph pushes the kart out behind her)
VANELLOPE: Hurry, hurry! Let's go. Time's a-wastin'. Come on, Ralph! This is it. This is really happening. I almost don't believe it. I mean, I have dreamt about it for so long, and now... And now... Now I think I'm going to puke, actually. I mean, I think I might puke. You know, like a "vurp."
Ralph: A what?
Vanellope: Vomit and a burp together, and you can taste it, and it's just like rising up. Oh, this is so exciting!
Ralph: Yes, it is. It's exciting.
Vanellope: Am I ready to be a real racer? Ralph, what if the gamers don't like me?
Ralph: Who doesn't love a brat with dirty hair? Come on. Those people are going to love you. You know why? Because you're a winner.
Vanellope: I'm a winner.
Ralph: And you're adorable!
Vanellope: I'm adorable!
Ralph: And everyone loves an adorable winner!
Vanellope: Yeah!
Ralph: Okay, come on.
(She laughs and hops in her kart. Ralph climbs on the back)
Ralph: Listen to me. If you get nervous, just keep telling yourself, "I must win Ralph's medal or his life will be ruined." And have fun. Got it?
Vanellope: Got it.
(Vanellope starts driving away, then slams on the brakes)
Vanellope: Oh, wait!
(Ralph FALLS forward. She puts it in reverse, then stops short. He FALLS off the back)
Vanellope: Hold on!
Ralph: Where are you going?
Vanellope: I forgot something! I'll be right back!
(Vanellope runs back into the mountain. Ralph watches after her)
Ralph: Kids.
(He sighs, content. We hear the sound of a kart engine)
King Candy: (O.S.) Ralph! (CHUCKLES) There you are. Hello!
(Ralph turns to see King Candy getting out of his kart)
Ralph: You!
King Candy: I come alone, unarmed.
(He ducks as a boulder flies past his head)
Ralph: I've had enough of you, pillow pants!
(Ralph chases King Candy around a giant gum drop)
King Candy: Please. Calm down! Please, look. Don't! (SHUDDERING)
Ralph: I'm going to beat the filling out of you!
King Candy: (putting on giant glasses) You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?
(Ralph grabs the glasses off of his face and knocks King Candy on the head with them)
King Candy: You hit a guy with glasses. That's... Well played.
(Ralph grabs him by the lapels)
Ralph: What do you want, Candy?
King Candy: Listen, I just want to talk to you.
Ralph: I'm not interested in anything you have to say.
King Candy: How about this? Are you interested in this?
(King Candy holds up the Medal of Heroes. Shocked to see it, Ralph drops King Candy)
Ralph: My medal. How did you...
King Candy: It doesn't matter. It's yours! Go ahead, take it. (CHUCKLES)
(Ralph takes the medal)
King Candy: All I ask is that you hear me out.
(Ralph stares at the medal as he considers)
Ralph: About what?
King Candy: Ralph, do you know what the hardest part about being a king is? Doing what's right, no matter what.
Ralph: Get to the point.
King Candy: Point being, I need your help. Sad as it is, Vanellope cannot be allowed to race.
Ralph: Why are you people so against her?
King Candy: I'm not against her! I'm trying to protect her! If Vanellope wins that race, she'll be added to the race roster.
(We close in on King Candy's eye and into his mind, where we see Vanellope pop up as one of the nine daily avatars)
(A gamer selects Vanellope)
King Candy: (V.O.) Then gamers can choose her as their avatar. And when they see her glitching and twitching and just being herself...
(FLASH FORWARD: Vanellope glitching all over the track)
King Candy: (V.O.) They'll think our game is broken. We'll be put out of order for good.
(FLASH FORWARD: The Out-of-Order gets slapped onto the Sugar Rush console)
(King Candy's subjects rush into Game Central)
King Candy: (V.O.) All my subjects will be homeless. But there's one who cannot escape because she's a glitch.
(FLASH FORWARD: A scared Vanellope is sucked into the vortex of un-plugged oblivion)
Vanellope: Help! Somebody, help! Help!
KING CANDY: And when the game's plug is pulled, she'll die with it.
(We pull out of the FLASH FORWARD through Ralph's eyes. He's horrified by the thought)
Ralph: You don't know that will happen. The gamers could love her.
King Candy: And if they don't?
(Ralph sits down, eyes still on his medal)
King Candy: I know it's tough, but heroes have to make the tough choices, don't they? She can't race, Ralph, but she won't listen to me. So can I count on you to talk a little sense into her?
(Ralph contemplates, then gives a small, pained nod)
King Candy: Very good. I'll give you two some time alone.
(King Candy disappears around the bend. Ralph stares at the medal. He hears Vanellope returning. He stands, braces himself, and puts the medal in his pocket)
Vanellope: I'm back! Did you miss me?
Ralph: Yeah... Uh... Can we talk for a second?
Vanellope: Wait. First, kneel down.
Ralph: What? No, we really...
Vanellope: Will you just do it?
Ralph: Okay.
(He kneels down)
Vanellope: Now, close your eyes.
Ralph: Vanellope...
Vanellope: Shush! Close them!
(He shuts them. She ties something around his neck)
Vanellope: Okay. Open them up.
(He looks down and sees a small, handmade candy heart on a string, on which is hand-painted the words: "To Stink Brain.")
Ralph: (reading) "To Stinkbrain." Gee, thanks.
Vanellope: Turn it over.
(He does. On the back is painted the words: "You're my Hero.")
Vanellope: I made it for you. Just in case we don't win. Not that I think there's even a remote chance we're not going to win.
Ralph: (this is killing him) Thanks, kid. Listen...
Vanellope: Now rise, my royal chump. I've got a date with destiny. (Ralph doesn't move) Ralph, come on. Move your molasses.
Ralph: Um... I've been thinking.
Vanellope: That's dangerous.
Ralph: Who cares about this stupid race anyway? Right?
Vanellope: (LAUGHS) That's not very funny, Ralph.
Ralph: No, I'm serious, and it was really fun to build the car and everything... But maybe you shouldn't do it.
(That gets her attention)
Vanellope: Hello? Is Ralph in there? I'd like to speak to him, please.
Ralph: Look, what I'm saying is you can't be a racer.
Vanellope: What? Why would you...
(Her eyes go down to his chest and she sees something)
Vanellope: Wait a minute.
(She pulls the Medal of Heroes out of Ralph's pocket)
Ralph: No!
Vanellope: Where did you get this?
Ralph: Look, I'm going to be straight with you, kid. I've been talking to King Candy.
Vanellope: King Candy?
Ralph: Yeah.
Vanellope: You sold me out?
Ralph: No, I didn't... Listen. You don't understand.
Vanellope: No, I understand plenty. Traitor!
(She throws the medal at him. It hits him in the face and falls to the ground. She jumps back in the kart)
Ralph: I'm not a traitor. Listen.
Vanellope: You're a rat! And I don't need you, and I can win the race on my own.
Ralph: But I'm trying to save your skin, kid!
(Ralph grabs her and picks her up out of the kart)
Vanellope: Put me down! Let me go!
(He sets her down. She immediately makes a dash for the kart. Ralph blocks her way. She struggles to get around him)
Ralph: No, you listen to me. Do you know what's going to happen when the players see you glitching? They'll think the game's broken.
Vanellope: I don't care! You're a liar!
Ralph: You better care, because if your game goes out of order, you go down with the ship, little sister!
Vanellope: I'm not listening to you!
(She gets under his leg and gets back in the kart)
Vanellope: Get out of my way! I'm going to that race!
(He pulls her out again and holds her by the scruff. She thrashes and kicks at him)
Ralph: No, you're not!
(He hangs her by her hood on the edge of a pointy gumdrop)
Vanellope: Take me down from here, Ralph, right now!
Ralph: No. I'm doing this for your own good!
(He goes over to the kart and raises his fists. She struggles to get free, but can't)
Vanellope: Wait, wait, wait. No. No. No, no, no, no, no! Please, Ralph! No! Stop it! Stop it! No!
(But he doesn't stop. He destroys the kart)
(She sobs. Then she glitches and lands on her butt on the ground)
(The kart is in ruins. Ralph turns to her)
Vanellope: (heartbroken) You really are a bad guy.
(She runs sobbing into the mountain entrance. Ralph hangs his head. He sighs, then walks over and picks up his medal)
(He starts down the road alone)
(EXT. FIX-IT FELIX, JR. Ralph rides up on the push cart, wearing his medal. It's awfully quiet. All the lights are out at the Niceland Apartments, but for a single light in the Penthouse)
(INT. PENTHOUSE. The door hangs slightly open. Ralph pushes it the rest of the way and steps inside. The place looks like it's been looted)
Ralph: Hello? Anybody home? Felix? Mary?
Gene: (O.S.) Well, you actually went and did it.
(There, by the bar, stands Gene, pouring one last Martini)
Ralph: Gene. Where is everybody?
Gene: They're gone. After Felix went to find you and then didn't come back... Everyone panicked and abandoned ship.
Ralph: But I'm here now.
Gene: It's too late, Ralph. Litwak's pulling our plug in the morning.
(Gene motions towards the balcony. Ralph goes over and looks out. He sees the Out-of-Order sign taped to the console)
Gene: But never let it be said that I'm not a man of my word. The place is yours, Ralph. Enjoy.
(Gene tosses Ralph the keys to the Penthouse. Ralph catches them and looks at them, upset, as Gene grabs his suitcase and heads for the door)
Ralph: Gene, wait! Wait! Listen, this is not what I wanted!
(Gene stops and turns back)
Gene: Well, what did you want, Ralph?
Ralph: I don't know. I just... (SIGHS) I was just tired of living alone in the garbage.
Gene: Well, now you can live alone in the penthouse.
(Gene leaves)
(EXT. PENTHOUSE BALCONY — SHORT TIME LATER. Ralph stands there, alone. He looks down at the Medal of Heroes. He shakes his head, disgusted, then throws it)
(The medal smacks against the game screen. The hit on the screen causes one corner of the tape on the Out-of-Order sign to release. The sign goes crooked)
(He looks out the game screen and sees the Sugar Rush console across the way. It reminds him of the homemade medal Vanellope gave him. It's still around his neck. He takes it off and turns it to the side that says, "You're my Hero.")
(He hugs it to his chest and looks back out at the Sugar Rush game. He notices something...)
(There on the console's side, are illustrations of all the racers, including Vanellope)
(BACK ON RALPH. That makes him think...then run off)
(INT. SUGAR RUSH, THE BASE OF DIET COLA MOUNTAIN. Sour Bill loads the scraps of Vanellope's kart into a candy wheelbarrow. A shadow rises over him)
Ralph: (O.S.) Hey, cough drop. Explain something to me.
(Sour Bill turns to see Ralph, looming, fists on hips)
Ralph: If Vanellope was never meant to exist, then why is her picture on the side of the game console?
Sour Bill: Uh...
(Sour Bill makes a run for it. Ralph grabs him)
Ralph: What's going on in this candy-coated heart of darkness?
Sour Bill: Nothing.
Ralph: Talk!
Sour Bill: No.
Ralph: I'll lick you.
Sour Bill: You wouldn't.
Ralph: Oh, yeah?
(Ralph gives him a quick lick. Sour Bill cringes)
Sour Bill: Oh! That's like sandpaper!
Ralph: Mmm. Wonder how many licks it will take to get to your center.
Sour Bill: I'll take it to my grave!
Ralph: Fair enough.
(Ralph tosses Sour Bill in his mouth)
Ralph: (puckering) Oh! (EXCLAIMS) They call you Sour Bill for a reason.
(Sour Bill SCREAMS as Ralph swishes him around. Finally, Ralph pulls him out)
Ralph: Had enough yet?
(Sour Bill squeals like stoolie)
Sour Bill: Okay, I'll talk, I'll talk! Vanellope was a racer until King Candy tried to delete her code!
(As Sour Bill spills the beans...)
(FLASHBACK: King Candy in the code room, tearing all the connections off of Vanellope's code)
RALPH: Tried to delete her code? So that's why she's a glitch!
(BACK ON RALPH. shocked)
Sour Bill: Uh-huh.
Ralph: Why is he doing this to her?
Sour Bill: I don't know!
Ralph: Suit yourself.
(Ralph threatens to eat him again. Sour Bill throws his arms up)
Sour Bill: No, no, no! I swear I don't know!
(FLASHBACK: We see King Candy floating through the code room, scooping up nodes of memory into a royal chest. He locks the chest with a pad lock)
Sour Bill: He literally locked up our memories and I cannot remember! Nobody can!
(BACK ON SOUR BILL. Arms still up, praying he won't be eaten)
Sour Bill: But I do know this. He'll do anything to keep her from racing. Because if she crosses the finish line, the game will reset and she won't be a glitch anymore!
Ralph: Where is she now?
Sour Bill: In the fungeon with Fix-It Felix.
Ralph: Felix?
Sour Bill: I'm sorry! That's all I know, I swear! Now, please, don't put me back in your filthy mouth again! (SOBBING)
(Ralph licks Sour Bill, then sticks him to a tree)
Ralph: Stick around.
Sour Bill: Yes, okay, I will. I will. Thank you!
(EXT. SUGAR RUSH, LICORICE FIELD. Calhoun patrols the area. Her scanner goes off. She pulls out her gun and follows the beep)
Calhoun: Come on. I know you're out there.
(The signal suddenly drops out. She hits the tri-quarter, frustrated)
Calhoun: (GRUNTS ANGRILY) Saccharine-saturated nightmare!
(The tri-quarter suddenly goes off, loudly. She looks around on alert)
Calhoun: (GASPS) But... Where?
(The ground gives way and she tumbles into...)
(A GIANT CAVERN: She grabs licorice roots to keep from falling into the nest below, full of hatching cy-bug eggs and candy- coated cy-bugs traveling in and out of long caverns)
Calhoun: (to herself) Doomsday and Armageddon just had a baby and it is ugly!
(THE TIME CLOCK IN THE SKY: The arcade opens in less than an hour. We pull back and through a barred window into...)
(INT. FELIX'S CELL, KING CANDY'S FUNGEON. A frustrated Felix calls out the dungeon window)
Felix: Hello? Hello? Somebody! Anybody! Please let me out!
(He shakes the bars. One bar is loose)
Felix: What's he say? (IMITATING RALPH) I'm gonna wreck it!
(He hits the bars with his hammer. They fortify, stronger)
Felix: (GROANS) Why do I fix everything I touch? Oh! (SOBS)
(Suddenly, Ralph bursts through the wall)
Ralph: Felix!
Felix: Ralph! I'm so glad to see you!
(Felix throws his arms around Ralph. Changing his mind, he lets go and turns away from him)
Felix: Wait. No, I'm not. What do you have to say for yourself! Wait! I don't want to hear it. I'm not talking to you!
Ralph: Okay, don't talk. That's fine. But you have to fix this go-cart for me pronto.
Felix: I don't have to do boo! Forgive my potty mouth. I'm just so, so cross with you! Do you have any idea what you put me through? I ran higgledy-piggledy all over creation looking for you. I almost drowned in chocolate milk-mix! And then... I met the most dynamite gal. Oh! She gives me the honey glow something awful. But she rebuffed my affections. And then I got thrown in jail!
Ralph: Felix, pull yourself together.
Felix: No! You don't know what it's like to be rejected and treated like a criminal!
Ralph: Yes, I do. That's every day of my life.
Felix: It is?
Ralph: Which is why I ran off and tried to be a good guy, but I'm not! I'm just a bad guy, and I need your help. There's a little girl whose only hope is this cart. Please, Felix, fix it. And I promise I will never try to be good again.
(Felix can't help but be moved)
(INT. VANELLOPE'S CELL. Vanellope sits in a fungeon fortress. The door looks unbreakable. Silly pictures and games line the walls. Vanellope sits in the middle of the room with a "Glitch proof" collar and chains around her waist. BAM! Ralph busts the door down and pushes in her fixed kart)
Ralph: I know, I know, I'm an idiot.
Vanellope: And?
Ralph: And a real numskull.
Vanellope: And?
Ralph: A selfish diaper baby.
Vanellope: And?
Ralph: And... A stinkbrain?
Vanellope: The stinkiest brain ever.
(EXT. SUGAR RUSH RACE ARENA. Giant soda bottles pop and spray. The lids of the fan boxes fly off, revealing hundreds of spectators. The racers line up at the start. A blimp flies over head. King Candy stands in his royal box)
KING CANDY: (OVER PA) My sweet subjects, I can without a pinch of hesitation assure you that I have never been so happy in all my life to say the following words, let the Random Roster Race commence!
(Cheers! King Candy slides down his royal banner. He lands in his own kart. A MARSHMALLOW waves the checkered flag. And they're off!)
(BEHIND THE STANDS: Ralph and Felix ride on the back of Vanellope's kart, holding on for dear life, as she drives)
Ralph: Okay, remember, you don't have to win. Just cross that finish line, and you'll be a real racer.
(As they enter the arena, Ralph and Felix jump off the kart)
Vanellope: I'm already a real racer. And I'm going to win.
(Vanellope speeds across the starting line. She's in the race!)
(OUT ON THE TRACK: The racers enter GUM BALL PASS and must dodge gum balls the size of bowling balls)
(Adorabeezle Winterpop hits a Power-Up. Her kart transforms to reveals an ice cream cannon)
ANNOUNCER: Power up!
(She shoots a scoop of ice cream, hitting Jubileena square in the face)
Announcer: Oh! A la mode!
(King Candy hits a Power-Up. The hood of his kart opens and unleashes a canon. He fires three fireballs at Rancis and Minty, knocking them out of his way)
Announcer: Sweet seekers!
King Candy: Have some candy.
(Further back on the track, Vanellope passes Minty Zaki)
Minty Zaki: Vanellope!
(Vanellope then catches up to Taffyta)
Vanellope: Behind you! In front of you!
Rancis: Huh? It's The Glitch!
Taffyta: The Glitch?
(Taffyta pulls ahead and up the layer cake, lined with giant cherries. She passes Candlehead)
Taffyta: (to Candlehead) Light them up, Candlehead.
(Candlehead leans over and lights the cherry stems with the flame on her helmet. They turn into cherry bombs that blast as Vanellope glitches passes them)
ANNOUNCER: What's this? Cherry bombs!
(Taffyta hits a Power-Up. Sprinkle spikes shoot out the back of her kart and hit Vanellope. Vanellope glitches all over the place, out of control. Tafftya, Candlehead, and Rancis shoot into a giant straw. Vanellope glitches up the rear)
Taffyta: I told you. You're just an accident waiting to happen.
(She suddenly glitches between the karts and ends up in front, driving straight)
(Shocked, the racers lose control and spin out, just as the tunnel spits them out over the sea)
(Vanellope lands hard on the ramp on the far shore, stunned and confused)
(The rest of the racers miss and crash into giant cupcakes)
Taffyta: (spitting out frosting) Waaaaaaaaa.
Candlehead: My candle!
Vanellope: (to herself) All right. Gotta keep it under control. No more glitching.
(IN THE ARENA: Ralph and Felix cheer)
Ralph: Okay, kid. Let's finish this thing without any more surprises. Oh! Ow!
(Ralph is punched in the face)
Calhoun: Hope you're happy, junkpile. This game is going down, and it's all your fault.
Felix: My lady, you came back.
Calhoun: Can it, Fix-It! (back to Ralph) That Cy-Bug you brought with you multiplied.
Ralph: No. It died in the taffy swamp. Believe me, I...
(The earth shakes. Cracks. Cy-bugs burst out of the ground)
Calhoun: Bullroar.
(Ralph gasps in shock)
(BACK ON THE TRACK: Vanellope catches King Candy, passes him. She takes the lead)
(BACK IN THE ARENA: Calhoun holds off bugs and ushers the crowd out of the stands)
Calhoun: Listen up, people. Head to Game Central Station now! Move it! Let's go! Let's go! Go! Go! Go!
(The spectators scream and hotfoot it out of the stands. Ralph sees Cy-bugs swarming the finish line, attracted to the neon glow "FINISH.")
Ralph: No!
(He runs over and starts punching them)
(ENTRANCE TO THE NOUGAT MINES: Vanellope enters the mines. King Candy takes a short cut)
(INSIDE THE NOUGAT MINES: King Candy sweeps in and rear-ends her so hard that she spins out. He hits her again and her front end goes up on his hood. She tries to shift and get off of his hood)
King Candy: Get off of my track!
(King Candy stands up, breaks the antenna off of his kart, and whacks at her. She screams)
VANELLOPE: What, are you crazy!
King Candy: I forbid you to cross that finish line!
(BACK AT THE FINISH LINE: Felix and Ralph continue fighting off bugs. Felix points to the jumbotron)
FELIX: Ralph, look!
RALPH: Kid!
(BACK IN THE MINES: She and King Candy wrestle with the antenna. She glitches nervously, causing King Candy to glitch, too)
King Candy: I'm not letting you undo all my hard work!
(Vanellope grabs King Candy's antenna and WRESTLES with him)
(BACK IN THE ARENA: Felix and Ralph see it on the Jumbotron)
Felix: Is that...
(ON JUMBOTRON: The more King Candy glitches, the more we lose sight of him and get flashes of a creepy, familiar face)
Ralph: No way!
(BACK IN THE MINES: Vanellope screams in shock)
Vanellope: What the... Who are you?
King Candy: I'm Turbo, the greatest racer ever! And I did not reprogram this world to let you and that halitosis-riddled warthog take it away from me!
(He aims for a wall separating a fork in the road. He’s going to ram her right into it)
Vanellope: No! Stop!
(The wall gets closer. King Candy laughs)
King Candy: Turbo-tastic. (LAUGHS EVILLY) End of the line, Glitch!
Vanellope: (GASPS) Glitch. That's it.
(That gives her an idea. The world seems to slow down as she concentrates)
Vanellope: Come on, Vanellope. I know you said you wouldn't do it again but you're going to do it one more time. Just focus and concentrate and glitch!
(She glitches. Disappears. Reappears to the left of the wall. King Candy swerves, bounces off the wall, and heads down the right hand tunnel)
Vanellope: (LAUGHS TRIUMPHANTLY) Sweet mother of monkey milk! I did it!
(Vanellope speeds off and out of the mines. King Candy, on the other hand, speeds right into the open mouth of a cy-bug!)
(BACK AT THE FINISH LINE: Ralph sees her coming. He and Felix have a path cleared for her)
Ralph: Bring it home, kid! The finish line is wide open!
(BOOM! Cy-bugs start bursting out of the ground on the track. Vanellope screams and swerves around them, aiming for the finish line)
(But a cy-bug bursts out right in front of her. She crashes into it and goes flying)
Ralph: No!
(Ralph and Felix leave the finish line and run to her)
(Ralph scoops her up out of candy debris)
Ralph: Kid! Are you okay?
Vanellope: I'm fine. I'm fine. Let's finish this race!
Felix: Oh, my land.
(Ralph turns to see that finish line is completely over-run by bugs. It collapses)
Ralph: All right. Come on. We gotta get out of here.
Vanellope: But I didn't cross the finish line!
RALPH: There is no finish line!
(They run out of the arena)
(ON THE RAINBOW: Calhoun shoots bugs)
Calhoun: Move it or lose it, people. Everybody, out. Now!
(Ralph and Vanellope come running up the rainbow)
Vanellope: Ralph, it's not going to work!
Ralph: We got to try!
(Ralph runs through the exit with Vanellope on his shoulders, but she's ripped back into the game)
Ralph: Kid!
Vanellope: Ralph, I told you I can't leave the game.
(He tries to push her through, but she can't leave)
Ralph: Come on. Get through.
Vanellope: Ralph! Stop!
Ralph: It's got to work!
Vanellope: Stop, it's no use.
(Felix joins Calhoun as the last of the citizens leaves)
Vanellope: It's okay, Ralph.
CALHOUN: All right, Fix-It. That's everyone. Now, we've got to blow up this exit.
Vanellope: Just go. Go without me.
(Ralph and Vanellope look out at the destruction around them)
Felix: But what about this game?
Calhoun: Nothing we can do about it. Without a beacon, there's no way to stop these monsters.
(Ralph looks up at Diet Cola Mountain)
Ralph: Beacon? (to Vanellope) Stay with Felix.
(He jumps onto Calhoun’s cruiser. Wobbles. Steadies himself)
Ralph: Let me borrow that thing, lady.
Vanellope: Ralph! Where are you going?
Ralph: I got some wrecking to do! I'll meet you at the finish line!
Felix: No! Wait!
(Calhoun steps ahead of Felix and Vanellope and shoots at the advancing bugs)
Calhoun: Fix-It, get behind me!
(Ralph flies off, through the air, most ungracefully. Bugs attack. He punches them out of his way, sways, almost falls)
(Ralph reaches the top of Diet Cola Mountain and jumps off the hover board. The crater's center is like petrified Mentos (think Giant's Causeway). Ralph punches it with all of his might. RUMBLE)
(INSIDE VANELLOPE'S LAIR: Small pieces break off the giant stalactite and land in the hot cola beneath. Bright glowing geysers shoot up all around)
(BACK ON THE CRATER: Ralph gives it all he's got. The crater cracks all around. He prepares for a final blow)
Ralph: Come on! One more! One...
(SLAM! Ralph is knocked aside by what we assume is a cy-bug. He slams hard into the rim of the mountain. He shakes it off, as we hear a familiar sinister LAUGH)
King Candy: Welcome to the boss level!
(Ralph looks up to see he is face-to-face with a giant, monstrous King Candy Turbo Cy-bug mash up)
Ralph: Turbo.
King Candy: (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) Because of you, Ralph, I'm now the most powerful virus in the arcade! I can take over any game I want. I should thank you but it would be more fun to kill you.
(Turbo lunges at hum)
King Candy: Get back here, little guy!
(Ralph gets past him. Turbo grabs him, throws him back again)
(Ralph gets to his feet and dives for the crater)
King Candy: Have some candy!
(Turbo catches him by his feet and flies him way up into the air)
King Candy: Where do you think you're going? I'm not through with you yet. Up we go!
Ralph: No!
(BACK AT THE RAINBOW: Calhoun struggles to fight off the cy-bugs as they swarm the exit. Felix pushes Vanellope behind him protectively)
Vanellope: Ralph!
(Calhoun runs out of Ammunition. She resorts to swatting away bugs with the butt of her gun, but they close in)
Calhoun: Fall back.
(She and Felix fall back through the exit. Vanellope stands before the bugs, alone)
(BACK IN THE AIR: Ralph sees the bugs closing in on Vanellope)
Ralph: Kid! Vanellope!
King Candy: Oh, look at that. It's your little friend. Let's watch her die together, shall we?
RALPH: No!
(Turbo flips Ralph around and catches him by his collar)
King Candy: It's game over for both of you.
(Ralph looks down at Vanellope, then looks to his goal, the volcano now so very far below him)
Ralph: (determined) No. Just for me!
(Ralph breaks free from Turbo's grasp)
(BACK ON THE RAINBOW: Vanellope sees Ralph falling from such a great height)
Vanellope: (GASPS) Ralph!
(A bug closes in on her. She glitches and lands on top of the cy-bug. Glitches again and lands on top of another one, heading towards the mountain)
Felix: Vanellope!
(BACK IN THE AIR: Ralph recites the Bad Guy Affirmation on his way down)
Ralph: I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad.
(Vanellope's medal slips out of his shirt. He grabs onto it and hugs it to his chest)
Ralph: There's no one I'd rather be... than me.
(He slams his fists down on the volcano’s Mentos crater. It cracks all around)
(IN DIET-COLA MOUNTAIN: The stalactite falls towards the broiling hot diet cola. Ralph falls with it. This is it. Suddenly, Vanellope rides up the side ramp in a kart. She makes the big jump and catches Ralph on the hood of her kart)
Ralph: Kid!
Vanellope: Don't worry. I got it under control.
(She bounces off the stalactite, and glitches through the other side of the mountain, just as the mountain erupts)
(The cy-bugs instinctively stop fighting. They turn and fly towards the geyser's bright light. ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!)
(Up in the air, Turbo looks around at the other bugs)
King Candy: You fools! Why are you going into the ligh... (CHUCKLES)
(Turbo looks at the light and his eyes suddenly bulge like an entranced cy-bug. He flies towards the light)
King Candy: No! No, no, no. Yes... No! Yes... No! Go into the light!
(He flies right into the light and is zapped)
RALPH: Whoa!
(Ralph and Vanellope crash land in the chocolate river, safe)
Ralph: Chocolate? It's chocolate! I love chocolate! Oh, beautiful chocolate!
VANELLOPE: Yeah!
(Felix and Calhoun see it all from the rainbow)
Felix: You did it, Ralph! Oh, way to go, brother!
(He laughs for joy. Felix hops up and gives Calhoun an 8-bit-kiss on her cheek. A little ten-point heart rises up. She looks at him like she’s going to kill him. Yanks him up by his collars and slams her lips on his. It's worth ten thousand points)
(EXT. SUGAR RUSH RACE ARENA. Felix puts the finishing touches on the finish line)
Felix: All fixed.
(Ralph puts Vanellope into her own, dented kart)
Ralph: You ready for this?
Vanellope: As ready as I'll ever be.
(Ralph gives Vanellope a push. She rolls across the line. Sparkles flicker everywhere)
Vanellope: Whoa! What's with all the magic sparkles?
(INT. CODE ROOM: The threads flicker. Vanellope's lonely box is suddenly attached to the giant web by dozens of threads)
(EXT. SUGAR RUSH LANDSCAPE: The landscape resets back to all its beauty)
(THE POWER CORD ENTRANCE: The citizens of Sugar Rush flood back into the game in amazement)
(BACK ON THE TRACK: Vanellope rises up out of her kart, into the air, and twirls. A beautiful princess dress forms on her body. A crown appears on her head, a wand in her hand)
(IN THE CODE ROOM: The memory box unlocks and strings of memory pour out of it)
(BACK ON THE TRACK: Vanellope's eyes widen as her memory comes rushing back)
(The faces of her citizens brighten as they remember, too)
(Sour Bill returns, a candy tree limb stuck to his back)
Sour Bill: (kneeling down) Now I remember. All hail the rightful ruler of Sugar Rush... Princess Vanellope.
(The kids look to each other in panic; the horrible way they treated her coming back to haunt them)
Taffyta: I remember. She's our princess!
Candlehead: Oh, that's right!
Taffyta: We are so sorry about the way we treated you.
Rancis: Yeah, those were jokes!
Candlehead: (WHINING) I was just doing what Taffyta told me to do!
Vanellope: (a voice like Snow White) Tut-tut. As your merciful princess, I hereby decree that everyone who was ever mean to me shall be executed.
Racers: What? No, please!
(They cry. They wail. Felix and Calhoun share a look -- this is getting creepy)
Felix: Oh, my land.
Calhoun: Oh! This place just got interesting.
Taffyta: (SOBBING) I don't want to die!
Vanellope: (back to her normal voice) I'm just kidding. Stop crying, Taffyta.
Taffyta: (a total mess) I'm trying, but it won't stop.
Ralph: Wow. So this is the real you. Princess.
Vanellope: Aw, Ralph, what are you, nuts? Come on. This isn't me.
(Vanellope concentrates and glitches right out of the dress and crown and back into her regular clothes)
Vanellope: This is me.
Ralph: Huh?
Vanellope: Look, the code may say I'm a princess but I know who I really am, Ralph, I'm a racer with the greatest superpower ever. I was here, I was there. I was glitching through the walls. I'm not giving that up.
Wynnchel: Um, pardon me for asking, but without a princess, who's going to lead us?
Duncan: Yeah. Who?
Vanellope: Uh, me. I'm thinking more along the lines of a constitutional democracy. President Vanellope von Schweetz. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Calhoun: Fix-It, Wreck-It, the arcade's about to open. Let's move 'em out.
(Felix joins Calhoun in the shuttle parked by the finish line)
(Ralph turns to Vanellope. She runs into his arms)
Vanellope: You could just stay here and live in the castle. You'd have your own wing where no one would ever complain about your stench or treat you bad ever again. You could be happy.
Ralph: I'm already happy. I've got the coolest friend in the world. (off her smile) And besides, I've got a job to do, too. It may not be as fancy as being president but it's my duty. And it's a big duty!
Vanellope: (CHUCKLES)
Felix: Ralph, are you coming, brother?
(Ralph sets Vanellope down. They fist bump)
Ralph: See you later, President Fart Feathers.
Vanellope: Au revoir, Admiral Underpants.
Ralph: And farewell, Baroness Boogerface.
Vanellope: Goodbye, Major Body Odor!
Ralph: Hasta la vista, you...
Felix: Ralph!
Ralph: All right. To be continued.
Vanellope: Yeah!
(Ralph jumps in the shuttle and watches her until the door closes)
(INT. LITWAK'S ARCADE. Litwak grabs the out-of-order sign, just as Ralph rushes into the game)
RALPH: I'm gonna wreck it! (GRUNTING ANGRILY)
Mr. Litwak: Hey! Ralph's back! Isn't that great! (LAUGHS EXCITEDLY) The gang's all here!
(Litwak crumples up the sign. The Moppet Girl starts to play the game)
(INT. BADANON. Ralph sits amongst the usual BadAnon folk)
Ralph: So, I'm happy to report, and you'll be happy to hear, I'm taking life one game at a time.
(EXT. NICELANDER APARTMENTS — GAME PLAY: The same building. Same game. Ralph falls in the mud. SPLAT)
RALPH: Of course, the job hasn't changed. But, news flash, the Nicelanders are being nice to me!
(The Nicelanders bring him a Penthouse cake. His ugly figurine is on the roof of it with everyone else this time)
Ralph: (V.O.) And that got me thinking about those poor guys left without a game.
(EXT. NICELAND APARTMENTS: The homeless characters hang out the windows and scream along with the Nicelanders as Ralph and Coily wreck the building)
Ralph: (V.O.) So here's what we did.
Ralph: (IN-GAME) We're gonna wreck it!
Ralph: (V.O.) We asked them to help us out on the bonus levels.
Felix: (IN-GAME) We can fix it!
RALPH: (V.O.) I'm telling you, guys, we haven't been this popular in years. The gamers say we're "retro," which I think means "old but cool."
(INT. LITWAK'S ARCADE: Kids line their quarters up on the Fix- it Felix console while the moppet happily plays)
BOY: How come we never noticed this game?
(EXT. NICELAND DUMP — AFTER HOURS: The dump has a new sign. It reads "WELCOME TO EAST NICELAND.")
RALPH: Oh, and I decided that living in the dump wasn't making me feel very good.
(Dig Dug helps dig as Ralph builds a rudimentary home. Nearby, Felix completes a row of professional-looking homes. The homeless characters cheer)
Ralph: (V.O.) I cleaned it up, built myself a little shack and a couple for the new guys, too. Well, with a little help from Felix.
(INT. CHURCH DAY: Felix and Calhoun are getting married. Ralph stands beside Felix as his best man)
Ralph: (V.O.) And guess who was the best man at his and Calhoun's wedding. That's right, my friends, old Ham Hands himself.
(All the soldiers are on Calhoun’s side of the alsie. All the Nicelanders and random game characters on are Felix's game)
Ralph: (V.O.) Very elegant affair. You should've seen it. Lot of grandeur. And not a single bug. Let's just say, some tears were shed.
(Felix goes in for the kiss. Calhoun first glances up to the window, expecting a bug attack. The entire congregation cocks their weapons. No bugs. Calhoun kisses Felix)
(EXT. NICELAND APARTMENTS, ROOFTOP: Felix wins another medal, which lowers from the sky, as the Nicelanders take Ralph onto their shoulders)
(Ralph is on the roof. He watches Felix get his medal. It doesn't phase him. He smiles and looks pretty darned content)
Ralph: (V.O.) But I got to say, the best part of my day is when I get thrown off the roof. Because when the Nicelanders lift me up, I get a perfect view of Sugar Rush.
(As they carry him to the edge of the roof, he looks out--)
(RALPH'S POV: Through the arcade, a kid is playing as Vanellope as she speeds through the Sugar Rush racetrack)
Ralph: (V.O.) And I can see Vanellope racing.
Moppet Girl: Yes!
RALPH: The kid's a natural. And the players love her, glitch and all. Just like I knew they would.
(She tries to get around two racers, and with a glitch and a flip, she takes the lead as the race ends. She wins!)
(She holds out a fist to the gamer. Words on the screen say, "TOP SHELF." The player fist-bumps the screen)
(Vanellope then looks over at Ralph and gives a little wave)
(EXT. NICELAND APARTMENTS ROOFTOP: Ralph beams with pride. He waves back)
Ralph: (V.O.) Turns out I don't need a medal to tell me I'm a good guy. 'Cause if that little kid likes me... How bad can I be?
(THE END)

CAST
JOHN C. REILLY – RALPH
SARAH SILVERMAN – VANELLOPE
JACK McBRAYER – FELIX
JANE LYNCH – CALHOUN
ALAN TUDYK – KING CANDY AND TURBO
MINDY KALING – TAFFYTA
JOE LO TRUGLIO – MARKOWSKI
ED O'NEILL – MR. LITWAK
DENNIS HAYSBERT – GENERAL HOLOGRAM
EDIE McCLURG – MARY
RAYMOND S. PERSI – GENE AND ZOMBIE
JESS HARNELL – DON
RACHAEL HARRIS – DEANNA
SKYLAR ASTIN – ROY
ADAM CAROLLA – WYNNCHEL
HORATIO SANZ – DUNCAN
MAURICE LAMARCHE – ROOT BEER TAPPER
STEFANIE SCOTT – MOPPET GIRL
JOHN DiMAGGIO – BEARD PAPA
RICH MOORE – SOUR BILL AND ZANGIEF
KATIE LOWES – CANDLEHEAD
JAMIE ELMAN – RANCIS
JOSIE TRINIDAD – JUBILEENA
CYMBRE WALK – CRUMBELINA
TUCKER GILMORE – SUGAR RUSH ANNOUNCER AND TURTLE
BRANDON SCOTT – KOHUT
TIM MERTENS – BRAD
KEVIN DETERS – CLYDE
GERALD C. RIVERS – M. BISON
MARTIN JARVIS – SATINE
BRIAN KESINGER – CYBORG
ROGER CRAIG SMITH – SONIC THE HEDGEHOG
PHIL JOHNSTON – SURGE PROTECTOR
REUBEN LANGDON – KEN
KYLE HEBERT – RYU
JAMIE SPARER ROBERTS – YUNI
ADDITIONAL VOICES: AVA ACRES, ISABELLA ACRES, BOB BERGEN, DAVE BOAT, REED BUCK, MICHAEL CARLSEN, DAVID COWGILL, JIM CUMMINGS, ELIZABETH DAILY, DEBI DERRYBERRY, WILL DETERS, TERRI DOUGLAS, SANDY FOX, EDDIE FRIERSON, TYLER GANUS, EARL GHAFFARI, EMILY HAHN, JENNIFER HALE, DANIEL KAZ, DAVE KOHUT, LAUREN MACMULLAN, MONA MARSHALL, SCOTT MENVILLE, LARAINE NEWMAN, PAUL PAPE, COOPER REED, LYNWOOD ROBINSON, TRENTON ROGERS, JADON SAND, KATH SOUCIE, APRIL STEWART, FRED TATASCIORE, JENNIFER CHRISTINE VERA